Hi all, my partner was told she has had a recurrence of the breast cancer she had in 2018 which she was previously given the all clear for. Though she hasn't had a full diagnosis yet or seen an oncology team (because the hospital she first went to doesn't have a cancer unit) she was told that it had returned and there was evidence that it had metastasised into a build up of fluid around her heart and lungs (this has now been drained and the fluid has been sent off to be analysed to see if it actually does contain cancer cells). She was also told there was evidence of growth in the bones around her spine also. From her first diagnosis in 2018 there was never any evidence that her cancer had gone beyond her breast and some lymph node involvement.
We're both utterly shocked and devastated by this because she's been in such exceptional health of recent times, has had zero symptoms or concerns before 10 days ago when she felt poorly because pain in her abdomen (which we thought at first was and on a par with a bad stomach upset) and as recently as August and mid September had completely clear breast scans (breast checks and bloods all fine too, her treatment team very happy with how she's been). She's also been so fit and active lately, she's fairly young (in her 40s) and even just the day before she started feeling unwell she'd done a very long 15-mile hike with me (and 10 miles the day before that) and had been feeling absolutely fine, no issues whatsoever and then literally overnight she felt unwell. We're utterly incredulous that she can have gone from no evidence of disease, with no symptoms and fit and healthy, to this awful situation in the space of 4-5 weeks since her last scans.
She had pericardial window surgery earlier this week and the operation was a success. She is regaining her strength after a very stressful week and is still in hospital before she's going to soon be received by the oncology team to see what happens next. We have so many questions about what has happened and how this could have happened, and until she's had a full diagnosis (the hospital team that did her first scans this week are not cancer specialists so a lot of things still haven't been done and there are big gaps in our knowledge) but it seems like there's so much information missing before we can know truly what this all means for her.
Because of tight covid restrictions in the hospitals in the city where we live, we've struggled as a family to be able to see her. One visitor per day if we're very lucky, sometimes not even that. She isn't getting the emotional support she needs and her anxiety levels are pretty high. She's doing incredibly well but I know she's so fearful of what she might next be told. And so am I.
When people hear the word 'Metastatic' of course they immediately fear the absolute worst outcome of imminent death, and right now we don't know what her options or prognosis will be. The oncology team have used the words "treatment plan" though and the assumption is that she will be given one - but after such a terrible week I take nothing for granted any more. Just doing all we can to keep our heads above water. So many of our friends and family don't know right now, we didn't want to say anything until we knew everything but we don't know when that will be.
It's such a scary situation to be in, isn't it!
Hi James UK
Sorry to read about your partner, like you say the diagnostic process is scary - then waiting for a treatment plan - then .. and then...
Often when people first hear even the work cancer it can seem the end of the world - often we hear of this described on here as a form or pre-grief, that life we imagined has gone and it is so easy to be reminded we are all mortal.
My wife's cancer (Leiomyosarcoma) was metastatic from diagnosis - the doctors think the origin was in her womb but it was only discovered some months after a hysterectomy when her lymph nodes did not return to normal. She had two different chemotherapies and the second seems to have put her cancer to sleep - six years of that so far and we now are living with cancer rather than anything else.
It seemed to me in some ways my wife was coping better than me - I was imagining all sorts of things going wrong but then I did a living with less stress course that really helped me. The key thing is to try and deal with events when they arise rather than letting our imagination run riot - and most important of all remember to make some time to be nice to ourselves.
<<hugs>>
Steve
