Supporting my mom through her recent diagnosis.

Hi Mill and welcome to our community.

I ended up dealing with both my parents being ill though not with cancer. At one point my mum ended up in hospital for about 6 months after she fell at home and broke a hip - something of a challenge at the time as my wife was also expecting our first son.

Now getting older myself and both my parents having died back in 2013 I live with a wife with cancer - life really can just seem to be cruel and it can feel very unfair.

I really relate to the idea of "I must be strong" - but it can be difficult to find how. If we look at Supporting a family member with cancer we can see how common these feelings are.

I did a living with less stress course that really helped me. Some days are still rubbish but the good days generally outnumber the bad. What I tend to find is a story of someone doing something really kind though is the one most likely to bring a tear to eye.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Steve,

Thankyoy so much for this. I am so sorry to hear about your parents and your wife also. 

You’re right, life is cruel. It’s something I can’t quite comprehend right now, why things like this happen, and why to such good people. 

I definitely need to surround myself with positive things like you’ve said, hearing of something kind someone’s done for someone else, or actually doing that myself.

As I run a business I will definitely be raising money for a charity related to my moms diagnosis of some sort as I’ve done this in the past for both Mind & Breast Cancer. It’s nice to give back. X

hugs

mill

Hi Mill,

I know it's a bit late replying to this but I'm in exactly the same situation as you - 21 and my mum has been diagnosed with cancer. My mum started chemotherapy a while back and like you my focus is on being there for her, as hard as it is. The worst bit is the worrying - whether it's about how my mum will respond to chemo or just catastrophising.

I found that once the treatment got underway, even though it is physically taxing on my mum it started to get a bit easier for all of us. There was a sense of taking control back over the situation and feeling like things were going to get better - or at least, this was the bit where it gets worse before it gets better. We're now in a certain rhythm and there are hard days, but what makes it easiest is us all being open and honest with how we are feeling

The most important thing is to surround yourself with as many people and resources as you can. I try and support my mum, but my partner and counsellor help support me through that - just because we're not the ones battling the cancer doesn't mean we aren't allowed to seek help. As corny as it sounds I get through it by picturing my family and I getting further and further from the awful day we got the diagnosis, and closer to the end of the treatment.

Sending positive thoughts your way and I wish all the very best for you and your Mom.

B x

Hi B,x

Thankyou so much for your response. Whilst it breaks my heart knowing someone is going through the same I suppose it makes us feel less alone that we can relate I suppose?

I'm definitely going to get in touch with my therapist again as I may need this in the up coming months, and being as mentally strong as I can be will benefit my mom too. 

The next few months to a year + are going to be like we've never experienced before, but the way you said you think of a day this will all be the past is what gets me through.

I hope you and your mom are keeping well also. 

Mill x