My Mum is dying and I'm getting married

FormerMember over 3 years ago

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Me and my fiancé have been together 12 years, we always planned to get married but just never did. We recently found out that my Mum didn't have very long as her treatment wasn't working and her cancer has spread everywhere. After we found this out we decided it was time we got married as we could never imagine getting married without her there. I must stress that when we decided this my Mum was still very mobile and of sound mind. Recently she's deteriorated rapidly and will not be well enough to attend. Our wedding is in 9 days and I don't want to regret going ahead when my side of the family will be so devastated that my Mum isn't there. I don't feel it's right to expect them to turn up with a smile on their face, hold themselves together when inside we are all feeling like our world is falling apart. My fiancé is completely understanding of this. Has anyone been in this situation? Any advice you can offer is appreciated so much.

Rebeccallx over 3 years ago

Hi Cholly

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation.

My fiance and I were due to get married in September 2022 - date was booked etc.
On our most recent visit to the oncologist, mum and I were advised that she has a shorter prognosis than we had realised. I asked the oncologist outright whether she felt that I should bring our wedding forward and she advised that it would be wise if we wanted mum there - which, of course, we did.

From that day to the day we ended up getting married, there were 10 weeks and 4 days. It was stressful but ended up being the most perfect day. However, I was fortunate enough that my mum is currently doing okay and was able to attend and enjoy the day. I'm so sorry to read that this isn't the case for you with your mum.

I'm wracking my brain for a few ideas... Is she conscious or sleeping a lot? If it's the former, perhaps you can arrange live streaming the wedding? I know of a few friends who have done this recently for various reasons and it works quite well if you create a 'room' on Facebook Messenger, as you can also keep the video in here afterwards, rather than it disappearing after the stream ends. Could this be an option if she has the technology?

Otherwise maybe just ensuring the important parts of the day are videoed so that you can watch them back with your mum might be a nice idea?

I appreciate your comments about your family being so upset with the situation with your mum that they won't be able to enjoy your day but try to ensure that you, your fiance and your family all focus on why you are there. You are celebrating 12 years of a special love and that's something to be celebrated, regardless of anything else that is unfortunately going on. I'm sure they will be strong for you both, knowing that this is what you have both wanted to do for your mum, and I'm presuming, with her blessing.

Sorry that this was more of a bleurgh of my own experiences and a couple of feeble suggestions but I hope it has helped in some small way.

Sending lots of love and strength and here if you need anything.

Becky xx

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