Dealing with uncertainty

Hi

So sorry to read about you mum and the impact it is having on you. The waits for scans and results is something we often refer to as scanexity as it is so very common. If we look at Emotional support for family and friends we can see how very "normal" we are and something I had to learn was about how to look after myself.

If sound like you have a wonderful relationship with your mum - that will stand you in good stead because I am sure she raised you very well and while it might seem trite she will live in your heart forever. My mum is still with me and I have my parents wedding photo hanging in our front room.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Steve Thankyou for taking the time to reply. 

unfortutanly we got the news yesterday that the cancer has spread for the 4th time and radiotherapy is the next treatment. I cried when I was told but am trying to be strong for my mum even though I think she is being strong for us all. 

I would rather know what is going on so that you can begin to cope with it. It’s such a hard time and I feel guilty for being upset as it’s not me with the cancer, its so hard to explain 

take care of yourself 

Meghan 

Hi Megnan,

Many years ago I was doing a communication skills course and we were asked to do a presentation about something that gave an insight in to our personality. I was thinking about this and came up with my set of keys. I said about wanting to feel in control so I carried at all times a set of keys that included home/office/suitcase/parent's house - and they weighed a ton.

Any illness really robs us of that control, as perhaps does falling in love, getting married, having children, buying a house, going to work.

When my wife was really ill at one point I found work to be something of a refuge, I still felt "in control" there and bless my boss they pretty much let me do what I could and did not really ask questions that I was not in a state to answer.

Well done to you from coming here - because here we are friends where we do not need to explain - we know and understand. Your words will help others who never even get over the step to post.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Megan 

I am exactly as where you are..

husband got lung cancer stage 4 

chemo/immunotherapy didn’t work and doctors suggested radiotherapy and awaiting dates to do it.

My same sex partner ,husband ,best friend,love,life my everything..I can’t imagine a life without him…

but somewhere in me now starting to wake up a much stronger version of myself .

i will fight with him,look after him as much as I can,love him unconditionally and if he live or die I will equally be happy for him.

easier said than done. That’s the sort of street I am at right now.

I learned a lot about love and why we are so afraid to lose it ,

grieving seems to have been playing hide and seek the whole time,the only thing is I just found it ..

You can always talk to me .

we are here for each other.

hugss