I am new to this so if I sound self-absorbed and pathetic, I apologise. However, at this moment that is how I feel. I found out last December that my beloved brother has oesophageal cancer. Since then, he's been at the hospital for something (scans, tests, consultations, a pacemaker etc) almost every week. Throughout it all, he's been positive and upbeat. He is a practising Christian and he believes in the power of positive thinking. He seems willing to accept everything as God's will and he believes that the worst that can happen is that he'll go to heaven to be with our three siblings, all who have died in the last five years. His way of coping is to take each step as it comes, not ask too many questions and believe that the medics will do what is neccesary without him knowing the ins and outs.
I, on the other hand, need to know all the details. My brother starts his chemo on Monday and his wife sent me the details yesterday. He is having FLOT which sounds like a horror story to me. He will then have massive surgery followed by more chemo. If this saves his life, I will be thrilled but I wish he didn't have to go through it all. Why does someone who has been such a good person have to go through all of this suffering?
I have to always sound positive when I speak to him and his wife but the reality is that I'm falling apart inside. I do have a few supportive and loyal friends but they have their own stuff going on. I also have a wonderful daughter but she has a stressful job as well as caring for her terminally ill father. I feel very alone right now.
Is any of this familiar to other people or am I just truly pathetic?
Hi Elemouse welcome to the forum and you are not pathetic in anyway but simply human and as such you feel a whole raft of different things and cant always explain them and thats ok.
We all have or different ways of dealing with things or how we feel about them and you are quite normal in that I assure you but you are not and never will be alone when you are part of the folks in here as we all "get!" what you are saying no explanations needed.
Sending some hugs your way for now. x
Thank you so much. It's good to be accepted for who I am. So often, I feel like an oddity.
X
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