My Dad - starting the battle

FormerMember
FormerMember
  • 3 replies
  • 16 subscribers
  • 795 views

Not too sure how this works... Just looking for a little advice on how to support my Mum and Sister.

My Dad is only 55 and has had a cancerous tumor removed from his kidney as well as the kidney only to find out 6 weeks into recovery that he has 2, maybe more, cancerous lumps. He is the backbone for my whole family and he has been the most important person to me my whole life, we're inseparable and seeing him so weak and in pain is heartbreaking. I'm just trying to find the strength to step up and be there for my Mum and Sister like I know he would be if the tables were turned. We're praying for good news or a little hope but the rate at which the cancer has returned post-surgery has really put a downer on things!

I just wish there was something we could do...

  • Hi @emmac19, welcome to the community though so sorry to hear about your dad and the impact it is having on your family.

    One thing I wondered reading your comment is whether it were possible that the newer cancerous lumps have been there for some time - if that was the case it becomes less of a quick return and just a next step.

    Seeing a loved one in pain of course is never easy, perhaps the biggest element though is to keep talking and remember to make some time to look after yourself. We have a guide on Looking after someone with cancer that many find quite helpful.

    <<hugs>>

    Steve

    Community Champion Badge

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    My dad recently had a cancerous lump removed from behind his ear (skin cancer) and we have just found out that he also has cancer in his parotid salivary gland, so we're waiting for more facial surgery to remove that and then radiotherapy. It is really hard when you find that there's more, and the not knowing and waiting to understand the full situation is so difficult and frustrating.

    Like you, I'm trying to think of things I can do - for my dad but also for my mum. Sometimes, I think just offering company is best, but - depending on your situation - that's not always possible. I'm an hour and a half away from my parents, so it's tricky, especially with lockdown. When I'm there, I offer to mow the lawn, walk the dog, that kind of thing. I've sent postcards, video messages. Sometimes, if you hear a good joke, or see something that makes you think of them, it's just nice to share it. Practical help is good, but just making contact and providing distraction is also worthwhile, I think. Of course, it all depends on the individual too, I suppose, so we have to be prepared to be told 'not now' or similar.

    Anyway, I'm very sorry to hear about your dad, and I hope you have some positive news soon. 

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hey Em! 

    One thing I’m going to say to you! 
    Keep being the perfect you! Keep your chin up! You’ve got this! Stay positive and look to the future never look back! Stick together as a family and let all feelings out! Don’t keep it buried deep it never helps I promise! You’ve got each other so stick to it! 
    You’ve got this! Stay strong and positive! 

    Always here and the best of luck! Got my fingers crossed for your dad! X