Hi.
At the start of this year (2021) my mum was taken in to hospital and was eventually diagnosed with pancreatic cancer which cannot be treated. She has been given a "small number of months" to live.
I am in a position where I do not need to go to work currently - my employer has been great and has said I can have as much time off as I need. Since mid January I've been off work and staying at home with mum, and my dad and brother.
I'm coming to the point where I'm wondering when I should go back to work. The problem I have is, I don't know exactly how much time mum has left. It could be 3-4 weeks, but equally it could be 10+ weeks. I'm under no pressure from my employer to go back, but it feels like if I'm off for months then maybe it's a bit excessive?
I love my job and don't want to 'lose touch' with it or become distant with my fellow employees. But I also love mum and I want to get the balance right and not have any regrets. My employer has said I can come back and just do 1-2 days per week if I want. It's entirely up to me. Another thing to mention is that my work is a couple of hours drive from home (I have a flat near work), so it makes it a bit trickier as I'd be away from home overnight.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? I just don't know what to do. I'm so grateful to have time off but I don't want to "take the piss” and take excessive time off. and it's made so much harder by not knowing exactly how long we have left with mum.
thanks for any help/advice you can offer.
Hi Cammy98
This is something of an eternal dilemma in this situation and not one I have had to face directly although I have had some time signed off with stress.
I have a colleague who arranged to take a year off work and then his mum died after abut 4 weeks, they decided though to stay with the original plan and take the time to clear all the formalities and then celebrate her life.
As you say your dad and brother are both there perhaps it is possible to agree somehow to share care. I know one of my very precious memories was a day I spent caring for my parents - most of that was done by my sisters as the both lived closer and it seemed sensible but that day was very special.
We all like to think we will live forever but know that is not true. I did a living with less stress course that helped me concentrate on things in the short term - worrying too much about the future was not helping me in the least. One slightly bizarre thing that hetlped me was 6 people who died in a accident at work locally - they never knew they would be dead that day. In some ways working through the cancer with my wife has helped to draw us closer together than ever.
I can certainly understand why you would not want to leave that employer though - they sound really understanding.
<<hugs>>
Steve
