Parent short prognosis... Spending time together

Hi and welcome to our community, though so sorry to hear about your mum.

Pre-grief is very common no matter what the prognosis of even without a prognosis - they are at best an educated guess anyway.

While you might not be "hands on care" for your mother - who may well not thank you for putting your life on hold anyway - nevertheless you are a carer in the wider sense - so no you are not making a big thing our of nothing or rambling - on here we all know what it is like because we have been there.

My coping came from talking to others - even on an on-line forum like this we can help support each other that old saying of "a trouble shared". I know when my mum was ill dad would always minimise things for me.

Perhaps you could share with your mum some updates on how you are getting on and show her what a great an independent child she raised - the most lasting tribute to her life is clearly going to be you and I sure she is proud of that.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi ladybird84.

My mum too has just been diagnosed. She has small cell lung cancer and we've been give around 6 months. I live in Scotland and she lives in Ireland. I flew home last week so I could see her but I came back to Scotland Sunday. I went back to work but was very distracted and emotional. I'm lucky enough to have leave that I need to use so I've taken the month off to try come to terms with everything as I feel like I'm grieving already. I'm planning to fly home in a week or two for a while when she gets out of hospital but after that I'll need to return to work and my visits will be less frequent. It's heartbreaking that I can't spend as much time with her as I would like.

When your mum gets a short prognosis you want as much time as you can get don't you. Unfortunately though not everyone is in a position to do that and I know my mum understands, as I'm sure yours does to. It doesn't make it any easier though. I settle myself with multiple video chats a day :) 

Hang in there, Siobhan

I feel the same, I feel useless as I’m working as a key worker in logistics and work with many people so seeing my mum is not really an option as at the moment she is having chemo for lung and liver cancer and I don’t want to put her at risk with COVID. I call every day send care packages but it’s not enough. My mum is soo strong but she is not eating very well and I know she has her partner but it’s not the same as sometimes having closeness and conversation with your kids. They are so strong and Mum keeps telling me not to worry, your busy working but it’s just dorsnt feel right