Hi, my sister in law is having an operation today for colon cancer, 10 days after her diagnosis which was a great shock. Hopefully, she will be home for Christmas. I have especially been hit hard by the diagnosis as we lost our mother 4 years ago with pancreatic cancer, 10 weeks after diagnosis and then 2 years ago I lost my 19 year old granddaughter to Leukaemia. With this diagnosis it has brought up the painful feelings of grief which i thought I had dealt with at those 2 times. My brother has been hit hard by the diagnosis as he lost his 1st wife to liver cancer. I know it will be hard for both of them not being able to get together with the rest of the family but hopefully I will be joining them as we are in a bubble.
How can I help my brother and sister in law through this without my sense of loss getting in the way, especially at this time of the year?
Hi and welcome to the community though sorry to hear about the impact cancer has had on your family.
If there is an element of good news in your story it is perhaps that all the cancers you mention are different. It is so easy to talk simply of "cancer" and not recognize those differences. We all know cancer is very common but often it is not spoken of; one of the books I was recommended was "The Secret C - Straight talking about cancer" by Julia Stokes.
I feel I can relate to your feelings of grief after having lost both by parents and then some time down the line something, often perfectly innocent in its own way, triggers a memory and can even make me cry - however I have learnt not to fear tears and regard them instead as the love overflowing. There is no magic right way to grieve but it is sometimes good to face up to the idea that there are feelings we may feel we put safely in a box.
There are a lot of tips in our pages Looking after someone with cancer and you are so right it may well hit your brother hard. When and if he decides he wants to talk to someone I can recommend our helpline, the community, Maggies - but really good news for him too - he has you and your lived experience. Simply the fact you came here and posted this shows the care and consideration you have in your life and by posting this you will have helped others who never crossed the threshold of speaking up.
I love your username by the way, my mother was a great knitter so much so that my nephews distinguished between their two grandmas by referring to her as knitting nana.
<<hugs>>
Steve
