I have never posted on any type of forum before so here it goes.
2 months ago my dad was diagnosed with a rare form of stomach cancer and needed life changing surgery. He is currently placed at a hospital 5 hours away from home and the whole situation, travelling and watching him in pain has been really challenging.
As a girl in my early twenties I am fortunate that nobody in my family has ever experienced anything like this before, but in the space of 2 months, my dad was diagnosed and my mum also found a lump that is been investigated. I have been signed off work by my doctor, so lost all routine and consistency and just feel like I am drowning. Is this ever going to stop?
The part of this experience I have found the hardest is the isolation. I don’t have many friends and the ones I do, I just feel like they don’t understand how it feels as they are young like me and never been through this. I keep waiting for them to say something that is going to take it all away/make things make sense but nothing ever does. The sadness, the guilt and the anger that other people can just ‘get on with their lives’ eats away at me. Especially around Christmas, with people out celebrating and having fun, I get so filled with anger that not every one has to do this and people being so oblivious to these feelings (I know this would have been me 2 months ago).
I also feel an overwhelming sense of guilt in so many ways too. Guilty that there is nothing I can do to take it away from my dad and that I am so far away and struggle financially with all the travel, that I am not doing enough to support my mum and family and for missing out at work at the start of my career. It is all consuming and I realise irrational, but I can’t seem to shake it.
I have been trying to do all the right things, keeping busy/going to the gym/utilising MacMillan and other support services. But I can’t seem to break away from these feelings. Every day I wake up and think what is going to happen today? I feel so alone and isolated and just wish more than anything that my life could go back to normal.
I know this post reading back sounds self centred, I am not the one experiencing cancer but want to respect my dads privacy and also share how I am feeling. If anyone has any advice, tips or support they could offer I would be so grateful. Also if anyone out there who is younger and dealing with a parent with cancer wants to connect away from the forum, I would be so grateful and hope to also mutually help anyone else out there going through something similar 
Welcome to our community, I hope you find it both informative and supportive.
So sorry to hear about your dad and now the worry with your mum too.
I certainly get the bit about watching everyone else at this time of year and even reflecting that we would have been part of that set the previous year. Sometimes it does feel like we have become invisible. I even remember hearing someone talking about them not getting the christmas cake they wanted and it was a disaster - little do they recognize the big things in life.
Macmillan make this site anonymous to protect everyone's privacy and that is really good. My wife also has a rare cancer - Leiomyosarcoma in her case - perhaps the biggest positive I saw was she always saw the top consultant something I had not realised until another patient asked what he looked like!
Something I find quite helpful is looking at Your feelings when someone has cancer as beng able to recongize these emotions and accept them as part of the new normal I find can help make them less overwhelming. Sharing on here can he really helpful but I see you note the Macmillan support servies so I am glad you are in touch with them too.
<<hugs>>
Steve
