Feeling sad and confused

I don’t know where to begin . Having been told my darling partner has 2 years . It feels unreal I can’t believe it I don’t want to believe it . I m so scared . Then I imagine life with out him then I start to fall apart . He’s my world . I don’t want it to be all we have now is him in bed in what was our front room where we d sit n watch tv or be on our phones togther laughing at silly stuff . Now all he can do is be in bed we still watch tv togther but it’s not the same . It’s having carers in 3 times a day . It’s waiting for hospital visits and worrying how we going to get there . It’s me worrying when I can have a bath or go shopping . But my biggest fear is losing him I can’t bare the thought of him not being here I can’t cope with even simple things that he would deal with so I would nt have to . I can’t imagine how it will be toward the end for him . 2 years is no time . I want quality time with him . We can’t go any where . Poor love can’t stand for too long or sit as it’s in his hips you see . So can only lay down . He Sleeps a lot too cos of meds and is a little cranky but I don’t mind . I just can’t come to terms that I m going to lose him . Why why why . I cannot begin to imagine how he is feeling . Trapped  in a bed in a room after 5 horribly horrendous weeks in hospital on his own me visiting every 4 days for a n hour . So any treatment any consultant s he was on his own . We face timed etc a lot when he was up to it . We have nt told the family yet he s got 2 years . Hopefully seeing oncologist next week but no appointment yet . His second week home . Have lots of support outside agencies etc . So much to sort out benefits for one . Then I worry about stuff after . I cannot cope with forms and red tape and organising . I just want him here normal and healthy and able to walk . He s my world my rock my everything . I can’t lose him . . .