Yesterday we were given the dreaded news. The words that no one ever wants to hear when dealing with cancer. My dad has been so poorly that he’s been in hospital. After another CT scan, we’ve been told the cancer is worse and that they cannot do chemo anymore because his body is simply too weak so there is nothing more they can. A hospital bed and equipment are being delivered today so that he can come home and be with family and start palliative care. The time frame we’ve been told is months, could be 1, could be 6 we just don’t know. We’ve known all along that this day would come and that this Christmas would more than likely be the last one with him but I’ll be honest, I wasn’t expecting this day to come quite so soon. Even though you know those words will come one day, you can never quite prepare yourself. I along with my family are completely devastated. I cannot even begin to imagine how my Dad is feeling. The look on his face when he found out was absolutely heartbreaking. I guess we need to be thankful for the fact he gets to come home and we can all be together. We get the opportunity to say goodbye and to spend time talking about memories and all the fun things we’ve done as a family. Now is the time to say anything and everything, never leave anything unsaid. Losing a family member is never easy, whether it’s a mum, dad, grandparent, sibling, child or friend it is never easy. I’ve lost my fair share of family members and I know that death is a natural process but never did I imagine having to go through the process of losing my dad at the age of 26. I just feel like I’ve been robbed of my time with him. There are so many milestones that he won’t have the opportunity to be a part of and that is something I’m really struggling to accept. The idea of walking down the isle without him, him never meeting his grandchildren. It’s heartbreaking and I just feel like life is so unfair sometimes.
I must say though the support from Hillingdon hospital and Mount Vernon Cancer Centre has been amazing and they’ve really managed to get everything going quickly which is fantastic. What with Covid, it’s been difficult not seeing him or even having the opportunity to talk to the doctors/nurses to find out what’s going on.
I guess I’m just reaching out to see if anyone is in a similar situation and can help me with any strategies or tips in order to cope with this huge and horrible situation.
xx
