Hello
I met my wonderful man just one year ago and after many years of being single and fiercely independent, bringing up my children on my own and working hard, I finally could believe that my future was going to be one of a happiness and a togetherness at last that has been missing for so long.
In March, after a routine check up, it was discovered that he had Stage 4 metastatic melanoma. Such devastating news was a real shock but treatment was offered to potentially halt the progress while Covid took priority. Sadly, having gone through the 3 month cycle of drugs, tests showed that this hadn’t worked and so a 12 week course of immunotherapy was offered. Another 12 weeks of treatment later and we discover that the drugs have had no effect. All that is left are clinical trials which began a month or so ago.
At no point have I ever thought twice about standing by him even though our relationship was in its infancy but I am fully aware of the agony that lies ahead. I lost my sister to cancer a few years ago and was with her every step of the way. She was 52 when she died, the age my partner is now.
Tonight, the worst possible news has come that the trials are to stop as the drugs are doing nothing to halt the spread and he has been told to expect no longer than a few months.
I need to be strong for my partner and I want to try to make the time left as good as it can be but the world is upside down right now, in every sense, it feels like the whole world has conspired to take any threads of happiness and hope away from us both.
I am reaching out to anyone who can offer a little guidance and support or some inventive ideas to make the best of a truly agonising future. I know I must find the strength for the next few months but right now it’s all so overwhelming I just want to find a hole and disappear inside it.
Hi and welcome to the community, though so sorry to hear about your man and your sister too.
So sorry the treatments have not worked, though hopefully he is still getting support so that he can make the most of his time. All I can hope is that this time is less agony than with your sister - whatever happens the experience is going to be different.
I did see something I felt inspired by the other day, someone said "we are going to have good days and some not so good days, we are not going to have bad days". One important think many people find - and I did it the hard way - was to remember we need to look after ourselves. It is so easy to say "I must be strong" and the rest but I certainly cannot do that all the time and I think my wife actually respects me more to know that sometimes I need support too.
How old are your children? Clearly to have raised them you certainly do have great strength. We have a son who is 16 now but has lived with his mium's cancer for too long.
<<hugs>>
Steve
