What Do I Say

Hi Maurie

I lost a dear friend to leukaemia and understand the difficult situation you are experiencing, I'm very sorry to read about your friend. I firmly believe that it is better to say the wrong thing than to say nothing. Don't let your fear of not knowing what to do or say cause you to avoid her. Just be present for her. My advice would be to listen to her, acknowledge her fears and worries, tell her you don't know what to say or do if you don't, but just be there by her side to support her. Be guided by her, laugh with her when you both can and cry with her if you need to, there are no rules in these heartbreaking situations, just be the friend to her that you have always been. I hope that helps a little. 

Hello Daisy64 thank you so much for your reply. I was sorry to read that you had lost a dear friend but grateful for your helpful advice. I agree with all that you suggest. At the moment my friend Is so shocked by her diagnosis that she is not talking about how she feels but I am hoping that will come.  

Take care and stay Covid safe.

Hi , sorry to hear about your friend but glad she has a friend like you. Feeling helpless in your situation is very common and often patients have difficulty working out how they feel let alone the impact the diagnosis has on others.

There are some suggestions on the main site about What to say to someone who has cancer though perhaps the biggest issue is listening and taking a lead from them. Often the last thing they might want to talk about is cancer - but then I am sure you have a lot of shared interests - what would you talk about if not for the cancer, that might be a good starting point.

For my wife perhaps the only thing that really winds her up is if someone says she is brave - at that point I would leave the room. While my wife was in the chemotherapy unit we had some really nice chats putting the whole world to rights.

Bless you for caring.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Thank you Steve for your reply sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you.  I have had a couple of long conversations with my friend over the past two weeks and I am pleased to say they felt less awkward. I had checked out the What to say to Someone page and it was helpful and in the end I went with what would we talk about if my friend didn’t have cancer.  This did lead on to taking about the side effects of her chemo sessions but it was instigated by her. 

I won’t overdo the number of calls I make to her but she did say she was happy to hear from me. Due to Covid-19 I can only keep in touch by phone. 

I have read your profile and both you and your wife have been through the mill in the past few years and I admire the strength that you have both shown.  I have two grandsons on the autistic spectrum and they are.delightful, loving boys. 

Stay save and best wishes