Hi MatildaT,
Possibly one of the biggest issues for anyone around someone who has any kind of illness is a feeling of why them. In disasters they talk about survivor guilt, so you are not pathetic at all - just perfectly normal but with a recognition that this whole process is affecting you. When you add the attempt at taking her own life you are in fact rather remarkable.
Hopefully she is getting the support she needs as very few of us really have the skills needed to handle that sort of situation, if you wanted some support too it might help you to talk your feelings out either with a counsellor through your GP or possibly you might consider contacting someone like rethink mental illness who offer support to people affected by a loved one's attempt to end their life.
Well done for coming here, cancer can add a whole new level to these issues too, it might help to look at Looking after someone with cancer. In the coping section you will see that issues with our own feelings often include sadness, anger, guilt and loneliness. One of the beauties of the online forum is we can at the least help take away the feeling of loneliness - though I can say at my work as all my colleagues know of my wife's cancer and what I do on here many have opened up to me about the effect of cancer on them - often cancer is one of the words we dare not speak.
Perhaps the single most important thing we all have to work out how to do is look after ourselves, it is hard. I did a living with less stress course that really helped me.
Some days are harder than others - enjoy the best to the full
<<hugs>>
Steve
