Not coping

Hi ,

Sorry to hear about your mother and especially how the fall appears to have affected her. 

So many people on here talk of 'I have to be strong' - but being honest it is just really so hard to be next to impossible we have all been there. What really helped me was when I did a living with less stress course with Maggie's. The most helpful part was probably the mindfulness elements - deal with today's be it good or bad and from time to time take a break to do something for yourself - one of my GP's suggestions was going for a walk and listen to the wind in the trees taking time to really notice the world around us. Also really helpful was conscious breathing - taking slow deep breaths and slowing things down - this can really help stop me becoming overwhelmed at times but is also a useful tool for general relaxation and sometimes better sleep. They also did a transcendental meditation bit but frankly that mostly just made me giggle.

Do post on here whenever it helps and remember if if would help you then the helpline is for everyone - and you are coping - you came here that is a fantastic next step in looking after yourself so that you can be there for the people you love.

 <<hugs>>

Steve

Hey. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum and what you are going through. Just remember it’s ok not to feel ok. Your human and you love her! Coping with so many emotions at once can be very overwhelming but you need to remember to take time for yourself to breathe.

visit places that make you happy

surround yourself with loved ones

exercise especially in nature... there’s just something about it

youtube meditation for sleep before bed

bedtime meditation stories

write lists

Maybe write a list of some goals you have big or small

listen to music and sing and dance and cry

fresh bedding, lavender bath and an early night

cleaning and organising some how makes you feel relief and feel like you have some sort of control.

I hope you find comfort in one of these. Xx

I am in a very similar boat - my mum has incurable pancreatic cancer, and it's catching up with her after battling for two years. And honestly, I feel like my world is crumbling. It's like I knew this had to happen at some point but didn't believe it would. 

I would also love any advice on coping strategies, I have started zoom based psychotherapy which is helping, and I try and yoga and have kept working - even though work is stressful I think if i didn't i wouldn't get out of bed most days. 

The one thing that has really helped, and couldn't have got through this so far is my dog, having that something to look after, who doesn't need to talk, whose biggest concern is when is dinner time, and just want cuddles and love - it does help me stay present before my mind spirals off again.

Hi Margot,

I'm in exactly the same position, we were told this week that mom could potentially only have a few good weeks left after about a year and a half of battling pancreatic cancer. I just wanted to reach out to you if you ever need someone to talk to then you can count on me.. it would be nice to have someone who knows what it's like. 

sending you a hug

Ellie

Hello

thank you for sharing.

do you find the therapy useful?

i definitely thinking having a focus on something whether that is exercise or something you enjoy that boosts your endorphins helps ease that knotted stomach feeling.

I would love a dog and have always planned on getting one but prices for the breeds I want have gone mad!

xxxx

Thank you hun that’s really kind. Right back at you. It’s so nice to know that we are not alone. Struggling today my stomach just feels like it’s in knots because I cannot seem to make any decisions and just feel frustrated at myself for not putting anything into action. I just want to lay in bed watch films and have a cry.

xxx

Thank you Ellie, mum got cellulitis and then a bowel infection - she insisted on going to Devon with my dad on Monday, this is over 4 hours from where we live. She had a great day on Tuesday, but the cellulitis flared back up Wednesday and was taken into hospital in Devon, on Thursday dad said we needed to travel down. We are now holding vigil, she is at her end of life - I know as I type this I sound a bit robotic - I am feeling so much - disbelief that it has suddenly changed so quickly, frustration that we’re so far from home and our wider support base, devastated that I’m going to lose my mum, heartbroken for my dad, my sister and aunt who are with us, worried about my mum and right now the overriding emotion is total terror and panic. I am gathering my energy to go back to the hospital, but the panic is so overwhelming I’m so frightened to lose her and be without her and terrified of death as a whole.

I have moments of calm where I accept that mum has done so well, and I am so lucky to have such a strong relationship with her, and that by coming to Devon she got to have a great day with my dad walking along the beach and eating lobster. She’s even in her bed now with a full face of makeup she applied before being admitted. 

It’s like feeling emotion and no emotion all at once. 

all I’d say, is I thought I had more time, and had only just started to cut back on work hours to spend more time with her, there will never be enough time - but see your mum as often as you can and want to - it’s ok not to be with her every minute she wouldn’t want that for you, but also when you need to see and you want to be with her you go to her - and don’t be afraid of being afraid, I am having a panic attack as I write this but I know it’s ok that I’m scared. 

Margot

Im so sorry to hear this! I can’t even imagine how you and your family must be feeling. Your mum sounds like a strong women and it sounds like you have a lovely bond! Please message. We are here if you need to talk. You sound like you have a lovely family around you but I know sometimes you need to just let it all out. Lots of love. Remember to take care of yourself too xxxxx