My Mum has been given 6months and my wedding is in one year

Hi Kirsty, 

I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this. It's all hard enough to deal with without having to make decisions like this. 

Is it possible that you could get married very quietly soon with your mum there but keep your wedding plans and have a blessing and the planned celebration with your friends and family next year? It's one of those decisions that only you and your partner and possibly your mum can make. Maybe talk to your mum about how you feel if you can. I imagine that would be a tough conversation to start but you might get your answer from your mum.

Love and best wishes to you and your mum x

Thank you so much for your reply and kind words.

i feel so selfish even thinking about the wedding because I can’t even begin to think what she is thinking and feeling. 

love xxx

Hi, you're not being selfish at all. Your wedding is a big event in your life and you want your mum with you because you love her. It sounds like you have a special relationship from what you said in your first post, try to enjoy the time you have together and don't be too hard on yourself for thinking about your own life sometimes. 

Me and my husband have a 27 and  a 23 year old and I know we both want them to carry on with their lives and to keep having fun. It's my husband ,who's 50, that has incurable brain cancer and he would be the first to tell them that they should carry on with their life plans. I'm fairly sure your mum might feel the same way. 

Love and best wishes x

Hi Kirsty,

I feel like I could have wrote this post myself. I also have just moved my wedding until 1 year away due to Covid, and we have also just been told my mum has 6 months of good life left. I totally understand your anger at the situation it seems so unfair. I have been thinking of just moving ours forward again for a small wedding. X 

Thank you for your message. I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
A big thing with us is that we cannot really afford to move it! Our suppliers aren’t making money and don’t have any other dates available sooner and we will lose deposits if we cancel them. Xxx

Hi Kirsty,

Reading this I feel so frustrated and sad for you. There are so many whys that never will be answered.

Shortly after my engagement, my dad was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer, we had 7 months. During that time I went back and fourth with the idea of what to do, I couldn’t imagine my dad not being there to walk me down the aisle. I considered rushing a smaller wedding and if he improved we would do a bigger day at a later date. I also considered what my dad was going through. He had good days and bad days and these days were unpredictable. He would know a smaller wedding would be because he was dying and it wasn’t the day I dreamed about. If he wasn’t feeling his best I know he would of forced himself to walk with me and get through that day and I worried that wasn’t what was best for him and the final months that we had left. 

I sadly lost my dad and it completely shatters and breaks my heart that he will not be with me for my wedding day. But I also know he would want me to have the day I dreamed about and a happy one. 

I’m not sure if this is helpful but this is another perspective. Be with your mum now and make the most of every moment of it and talk to your mum about it all. She wouldn’t want you to stress so much of one of the happiest days of your life.

Sending positive thought and hope for your mum during such an emotionally difficult time. 

Jess x 

Thank you for your message. This really means a lot to me. I’m so sorry for your loss. Your thought path has been very similar to me, I really don’t want her to force her self through a full day when taking a shower is a struggle. If she pushes herself she then ends up in bed for days. I would feel awful if she felt rotten after our wedding.

xxxxxxx

I so feel for you, Covid is awful, but for anyone with cancer or supporting someone through cancer it's a living nightmare. I put my wedding together in three months, for the exact same resons, I was lucky because it was just outside of covid - but now with mum getting worse I am now mourning the fact if I have children (which I would like to) I won't have her here for that. It's the hardest thing because they will miss those things we want them so badly there for. If i were in your shoes, I would probably consider a really really small wedding, just a registry office, and meal in a private room (I got married in a pub so I also recommend that) - and then you can have your big shindig next year, and that can also be another celebration of her life. But even to have those photos of your closest family together I think would be a wonderful memory. Wouldn't have to be expensive, just intimate and about you, your partner and your families.