Hello everyone
Found out yesterday that my mum has Leukaemia. We're still waiting to find out what type and what the extent is, so fingers crossed it's treatable.
I guess I am feeling a bit numb and confused. Only last week I'd been on the phone to my mum complaining about my own problems, then suddenly she's just going for a GP check up (with me telling her not to be such a drama queen - what an idiot I am) and hours later being admitted to hospital, one day later and she's already starting treatment for cancer. It just doesn't really feel real - my mum's always been the strong one and one I rely on when I'm feeling bad!
I live quite far away from my family, with my boyfriend, mother-in-law and stepson, have just started a new job which I love and a few days ago found out we're moving to our dream home. I'd been going through some stresses (which my mum had been helping with, I call her most days) and things had finally started to look up... and then this.
I just feel like WHY!!! Almost in a selfish way I feel like I can't be bothered? Is that normal? Like I already to have a lot to deal with and now I feel totally hopeless. I can't concentrate on my job, I feel like I hate my boyfriend and his son and want to break up with him and I don't know... just run away?
I also don't know what I'd do without my mum. She's so strong, always the voice of reason. Shes a very 'tough love' kind of person and I feel like even now, at 28 years old, she guides me through making good decisions and has helped me through so much. She'd drop anything to help me and my brother and sister.
My coping mechanisms with other things like troubles at work or breakups or any bad news really is to cleanse myself of the problem or find the positives, but that's impossible to do with this. I don't know what to do.
Hi Ediebo
Welcome to the community. I'm sorry to hear about the diagnosis your mum has.
Your emotions at the moment are perfectly normal as your mind is trying to come to terms with everything. Does your boyfriend and in-laws offer any support? Can you ask your workplace if they have any kind of facilities within HR whereby you can pop along for a chat whenever you need to? Could they offer you some time off (unpaid) if you need to visit your mum?
Keep calling your mum as much as you can and just listen to her as this will give her the best emotional support. Encourage your brother and sister to do likewise. Talk to your boyfriend about your situation in depth and if you have a strong bond he will support you as much as possible but only if knows what you are feeling. He may not say or do anything but just listening will help you express your feelings. You can also post here as much as you want whenever you want and someone will always respond. The site is open 24/7 so even in the middle of the night you can post something to help get out of your system. If you want a confidential chat then call the support line on 0808 808 0000 which is open every day from 8:00 am to 8:00 pm.
There are also many places to get support including from your local Macmillan team, use this link to enter your postcode and see what is available. This lists other organisations near you which may also be able to offer support which can be by telephone, face to face, 1-2-1 or group (social distancing may effect some services).
Remember that your mum has only just started treatment and you need to be hopeful that this will be a success, especially now as more people are surviving cancer. If you look on this page you will see there are many books relating to leukaemia and its treatment - these can be ordered or downloaded as PDF and are all free.
If you look on the page above your post you will see some headings one of which is Ask an expert which you can use for specialist advice. Also at the very top you will see magnifying glass - to the right of this type leukaemia then select the anywhere button and you will see various categories from those with, those who have survived, carers and more. Many of these will have been through a similar situation to yourself and have a greater first hand knowledge of what you are feeling and what support you may need.
Hope this helps and sending you a big hug.
David
Sorry to come in. My mum was diagnosed with MDS Christmas eve 2019 and then 4 weeks ago was told she had leukemia cells in bone marrow. She has been in hospital now for approximately 4 months out of this year and with covid we are unable to go and see her. Sending positive thoughts for you and your family 
