Wife just diagnosed with breast cancer and im terrified.

Hi there, we have just had exactly the same scenario play out last week.  My hubby got the information once I had had the scans, before then I had played it down as I didn't want to worry him unnecessarily as he had a heart attack in November.  What may be happening is that your wife is possibly like me, she has had the thoughts in her head of what it might be and has been slowly processing it over a number of weeks.  Just my thoughts, might be way off the mark.  We now have most of the information after having the scans done, so now that we know where the goal posts are we are feeling more in control.  It is overwhelming to begin with, but just let yourself take the time you need to process and I am sure you will be able to be there for her too!  Be kind to yourself, as well as your wife, all the best on your journey, you can do this.

Hi 

The period from getting the breast clinic appointment through to starting treatment is without doubt a cr*p time emotionally for everyone :-/    Until you know exactly what type of breast cancer this is and the full results are in your mind goes into overdrive. 

The media doesn't help, all you get to see and read is about those who don't make it - nothing is said about the 95% who go through treatment and come out of the tunnel with no evidence of disease and get back to living with their new normal.

I know how you are feeling at the moment; this was me when my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer way'yyy back in May 2012 so please be reassured this is do'able.  It can be a rocky road at times especially if chemotherapy is recommended but your wife won't feel crap everyday if this is how it pans out for her.

Do you both have an appointment coming up for the results and a treatment regime. This will help as it gives you both something to focus on rather than having time for all the 'what if's' to mess with your head.

Hope this is of some help for now - and good luck for any results that are due in.

Take care, G n' J

Thanks I really appreciate your response, it's so comforting to hear from someone who knows exactly how I'm feeling.

My mind has been an anxious whirl since the initial biopsy with so many " what if it's ..." and now we know that " it is", im feeling like it all over again but worse until the results of the further tests come back.

My wife has just had an MRI and has a CT scan booked for Wednesday. On Monday we will get the results ( which is driving me crazy with anxiety) and given a date for lymph node removal surgery. 

I am trying to take things on a " one process at a time" basis and not let the fear take control but it's so hard particularly when I'm alone with nothing to occupy myself. 

Your words have given me a real boost, and although the immediate future is not going to be easy they have given me hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Cheers 

Thanks for your reply. My wife has a pragmatic " wait and see what the facts are" approach while I have a more "What if it's this....What if it's that?" Outlook. I have been tying myself in knots since the biopsy and now that we are waiting for another set of results I'm spinning even faster. 

I agree that when these results come in and we know what we are dealing with and what needs to done, things will be much better, but this waiting inbetween is terrible.

I do feel myself getting calmer as I adjust to the new reality but I'm still getting horrible bursts of terror and upset swamping me when i least expect it. 

We will get through this I know it. 

Hi Sofaboy, 

I really feel for you. I'm in a similar situation as my husband was diagnosed with bowel cancer with secondary liver cancer. He's only 35 so it's absolutely terrifying, we also have 2 daughters under 3 and have only been married 18 months. It totally blind sided us as we thought he had appendicitis.

My family have been incredibly supportive, so I find talking to them often really helps with the nerves. Also being honest with my husband about how I'm feeling is important too. My family are being strong for me, and I'm being strong for my husband, but of course we all have our moments and that's totally normal and expected. 

I think doing as much research as you reasonably can is important, as the more info you have, the more questions you can ask the oncologist and perhaps opens up more treatment options.

Looking at stats and things isn't particularly helpful as it looks at the big picture (thousands and thousands of patients) rather than each individual. Be positive, be informed. I wish your wife and yourself all the very best. 

You must be terrified, I totally understand the fear and wish you both all the best. We are still in that horrible " waiting for scans and then waiting some more for the results" stage which means we won't get any more actual info until a week on Wednesday- which feels like an eternity.

I don't know about you but my anxiety has gone off the scale, my appetite has vanished, I'm waking up in the middle of the night consumed with fear and I burst into tears the minute anyone asks me how I am. 

Managing this is going to be my greatest challenge in these first few weeks, how have you been coping? 

Please pass on my best wishes to your hubby and stay positive and informed, I agree that " knowledge is power" and intend to use macmillan's resources and nursing staff to answer some questions which I hope ( really hope) will reassure me.

Take care 

Hiya, 

Yeah it's horrible and I really wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It just seems so unfair. We're still waiting on an MRI of his liver and a PET scan to see how extensive the spread to his liver is, and if they need to chemo before surgery or straight to liver surgery. We're meeting the oncologist next week, so I've written down loads of questions to ask so I don't forget. But hopefully we'll get a plan of action and that'll be reassuring to know treatment is starting. 

The waiting is the absolute worst though. Waiting for tests, waiting for results..it's tough. My kids have been keeping me very busy which has helped a lot. I'm also so glad that visitors are allowed in hospitals again so I can go to appointments with him. He spent 10 days alone in hospital after emergency surgery and was by himself when he found out he probably had cancer, that totally broke my heart.

My friends have also been great, sending food and even getting groceries ordered for us, they've been lovely. My husband has a great sense of humour so we're keeping that going, we're thinking positive, acting positive. Watching lots of Netflix haha.

I think trying to stay busy, both physically and mentally is good because then I sleep better at night (although the 8 mobth old has me up during the night a lot just now, thanks teething!). I also recommend apps like Headspace and relaxation videos on YouTube also help to send me off to sleep if I find my mind racing away..

Keep us updated, I've got everything crossed for your wife and I hope you get some good results.