Talking to child about the situation

Hi

I feel for you in this situation, there is lots of information out their on being treated for and even cured of cancer but not so much on what happens if for any reason things can not be cured.

I am glad to hear you have been talking to them, generally factual information is really good because they can imagine things a lot worse and currently with coronavirus to deal with as well lots of children are suffering in many ways.

Since this is, unfortunately, not too uncommon a problem there is a lot of information here that I hope will help.

With Michael since he has also seen my health not always at it's best one thing we managed to get him to open up about was his concern that I might die too and what would happen to him then, fortunately we had considered this and his uncle is nominated as guardian.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Just as an update since posting this, the boys mum passed away peacefully within a few days after being moved from the hospital to an hospice the following week. Leading up to this she had spent 5 weeks in 3 hospitals only just having Conformation that her breast cancer had returned after 2 yrs clear.

She Had a DNR in place on her first administration. Given this she could have passed at any time and I chose only to generalise about her condition to the boys as I felt it as unfair to live thinking at any moment their mum may pass. (how would they sleep wondering if they'd have a mum when they woke)

She survived 3 heart attacks and a dozen TIA's and strokes. Paralysing her and making communication difficult in those 4 weeks leading to her death. 

The hospice called late in the evening to say she'd worsened if we wish to visit (until then no visitation was allowed) boys chose not to go, opting for the next day. Explained she was sleeping but could still hear and that she may not survive the night. They needed to be happy with their dicision.

She passed just after  midnight and I let the boys sleep, telling them while cuddled up in bed when they woke. We had 15 mins of tears from the youngest and not much of a reaction for the eldest. I regularly mention her, death and the future. Questioning the eldest (12) if ok and lack of reaction just replied I was expecting it with what you'd told us.

They are doing amazingly 2 months on true be told. Will expect something in the future.

Thank you to all who have read this thread and those who offered advice. I'm happy to share may experience with anyone who is where I was 3 months back.

Take care and stay save.