Helping a child understand terminal cancer

Hi Lani-b welcome to the forum and so sorry to hear the news that you have had as a family.

If you give the Macmillan Line a  call they will be able to direct you to the books they recommend when speaking with children 08088080000.

Sending very best wishes for now. xxxx 

Hi and welcome to the online community and the Family and friends group, I am sorry to see you here at this time with so much going on with caring for your dad and trying to find a way to have a conversation with your 9 year old.

These conversations are never easy and the general advice is that you

find a time and a place where you won't be distracted,

make sure you are prepared, not only in what you are going to say but how you will answer any questions, and I am sure that there will be made.

Afterwards, as you say he is very close to his granddad, that you look for any behavioral changes

You might want to speak to your sons school and put them in picture in case the news about his granddad may cause problems with his schooling and his teacher can be on look out for any changes.

We have a couple of books that might be of interest 

https://be.macmillan.org.uk/be/p-25218-talking-to-children-and-teenagers-when-an-adult-has-cancer.aspx

https://be.macmillan.org.uk/be/p-25033-preparing-a-child-for-loss.aspx

These books are free to you in either bound books or as a download, when you open up the description to see the books and order you will need to create an account using your community email address and password. You want to press the button add to cart to be sent paper copies.

Macmillans have these information sheets for you 

Talking to Children

Talking to children  - 2

Or 

Australian leaflet

Because Someone I Love Has Cancer: Kids' Activity Book Because someone I love has cancer

You may find that your local library may have a selection of books that would be of help.

I hope that you find the above of interest, if I can be of further help please don't hesitate to give me a shout out.

Ian

By clicking on any of the green text above will open up new pages for you 

Hi lani-b 

I am so sorry you are going through this. 

My mum has breast cancer that has spread to her bones and lungs. We are on very limited time with her now. 

I have two children 7.5 and 6 who adore their nanna. They have known for some time she has not been well but 3 weeks ago we had to tell them more. 

I sat them down and explained that nanna has a lump that shouldn't be there and that it was called cancer. The doctor's had tried lots of different medicine to make her better but they were not working. 

My eldest then asked if she was going to die. I explained that yes she would. 

My eldest asked lots of pragmatic questions. How and when etc. But had been completely un emotional (he always is it takes a while for him to process things) 

My youngest has cried lots but is ok in herself. 

I explained to their teachers what we said (I had already told them the history with my mum) and how the children had reacted. 

Last Friday my son got in trouble for first time ever at school ( nothing major but very unlike him) 

Over the weekend he was out of sorts then Sunday night he just lost it. Crying hysterically. And it all came tumbling out. Since then he has been back to himself. 

It sounds terrible but it's how he deals with things if that makes sense. 

I did speak with the hospice team and McMillan before we told them who both said to be honest, say the bare facts and try to answer their questions. 

I am not sure if any of this has helped and sorry if I have rambled on. 

Hugs to you 

Laura

Hi Laura,

Sorry to hear you are going through something similar and I thank you for taking the time to message.   I told the children yesterday afternoon.  I tried to follow the advice here and online.   I'm glad I got your message today as my 9 year old didn't really react and I have been really worrying about this today.   I guess that he may also need processing time.  

Lani.