Hi all, new here. My mum went through an operation back in January to remove lung cancer and after all the shock and everything we went through I'm even more concerned/scared to move out.
A bit of back ground info. I'm 29 and live with both my parents and my boyfriend. We have been together for 12yrs. Have been though a lot and recently more so than ever. We had our first major argument about moving out beginning of 2018 basically. I don't know why but I'm so afraid to leave. I have been close with both my parents for around 10yrs since my older brother got up and left and left them in a load of debt etc. They are better money wise now etc and I'm glad he left as I have actually got parents now. We have no savings a pair and he has non as an individual. He wants to rent a cheap thing down the road when I want more stability like owning a home. I know there will be different opinions on that but I've always wanted my own home, my own freedom to build or destroy it basically and have my own family home.
Anyway, mum got really sick back last September which ended up with her in hospital and was in and out for a few months after. When I found out that mum had a Shadow over her lung, I was terrified but had to keep it quiet to support my parents. I tried to open up to my boyfriend but then he sprung on me he thinks hes depressed. I didn't know what to do or talk to. I felt I couldn't rely on him at all. Anyway, we argued pretty much non stop for a few months as I needed him at the worst time of my life and he wasn't there. In November mum went for her surgery. Was suppose to anyway but has a severe reaction to the drugs which meant mum stopped breathing and ended up in ICU for a week. It scared the living day lights out of me that I could have lost her!!! All was well etc and back home for Xmas and then about a day or 2 after we heard from the hospital with another date for January. On December 30th we had yet another argument on how he wants us out now no matter what and we nearly broke up. How could he do that there and then? I felt so alone and so afraid and so depressed myself that he could be that cruel. That blew over basically with him saying he will stay etc. Mum had her surgery in January and was successful and was told it was lung cancer. They removed it all etc but still needed close attention. All about moving out was brought back up in June and then blew over and we said we would move out next yr and then a few weeks later he texts me asking me to go to Japan next yr with him but now he may have changed his mind again??!! He promised me the first time we argued about moving out that we will have a decent holiday before and then he changed his mind and blamed me and everything that has happened with mum as an excuse for not doing anything about it. Wasn't an excuse, just had a lot to do and think off. When he mentioned about Japan I got really excited as I want a holiday but also gives me a little more time to decide but if he goes back on it now, what do I do/say??
He has for the last 6months suffering with joint pain which I get that he is in pain alot but he takes everything out on me. The doctors have no clue what's wrong and I know I'm thinking or worse case scenario here but what happens is it's something degenerative? I mean in the next 10 yrs he could be in a wheelchair etc. I honestly can't say for sure if that's what I want, to be his career. Not to mention I won't be able to completely afford all the rent as I'm only self employed so that's another reason for the stability I want.
I want to be here for my parents, I don't have to be but I want to be. I want to do anything I can to make there life easier while they are still around. I don't want to lose this closeness and I'm worried I will as he may make me choice either them or him if we had our own place or never let me see them or for them to come around. They are my parents, the only ones I will ever have and now I have them, I don't want to lose them.
I feel like I'm living in limbo, I'm afraid for mum, can't imagine losing her and not being there. Don't know what to do about my relationship, have no one to talk to properly, I have been suffering with anxiety for the last yr or 2 my self which he doesn't seem to understand it's worse when we argue and that I can't talk to him. I have no friends not really. I'm going through all this all on my own and I don't think I can cope let alone know which way to turn at all.
Sorry for dragging on and if there is any spelling mistakes. First time I've actually said all this
