Two of my closest family members have been diagnosed in the same week!

Hi Lost33

I am so sorry for your unbelievable predicament. What an awful shock this has been for you all. 

All I can say is that for me, (Mum diagnosed advanced cancer 2 months ago, me just fresh from a nightmare divorce from an abusive ex, single parent & having to sell and move home - I have some understanding of the feeling of it all hitting at once, but obviously it's not the same).....I am a firm believer in taking things one day at a time and looking after yourself. This is the hardest part I think, the shock, waiting for proper diagnosis and treatment plans, there's so much fear and 'what ifs' etc, that if you fast forward too far in your mind then all sorts of horror stories start playing out and it becomes overwhelming. You can only deal with so much and you need to make sure that you are ok so that you can be ok for your mum and husband. 

Rest as much as possible, don't try to do too much, get help for you wherever you can because it's exhausting. Speak to your mum and husband, find out where they are mentally and what questions they may have - don't try to take on all responsibility for them. I've found in consultations with mum that the drs like to empower the patient in terms of finding out what they know and what they want etc. I also see a counsellor but that was longstanding from the divorce! It's not for everyone but it's really helped keep me mentally together. 

I hope both your husband and mum get on treatment asap and you start to feel a bit more in control of it all (as much as you can be)

Hugs x 

Thank you so much Puglover. This has really helped. I was doing exactly what you said... fast forwarding and imaging the worse. I will try to take things more slowly and look after myself, which I really haven’t been doing, and now I am poorly! I have an overwhelming sense of guilt that I am not doing enough. Not helping my husband enough, not doing enough school work with my children, not working hard enough at school, not feeding the kids proper meals, and now not being there for my mum as I don’t want her to get my nasty bug on top of everything. 

I think I need a new mantra. 1 step at a time! 

Thanks again Puglover! 

Oh great, glad I could help!! I understand totally, if I don't check on myself, then I'm exactly the same - I get anxious and can beat myself up for not doing enough, the kids eating freezer food....again - me forgetting everything, barely remembering to brush my teeth etc!! Then all the guilt and fear with mum and not knowing what to do or say. 

But ultimately - the kids aren't starving, the house doesn't need to be immaculate, you have a hell of a lot going on there and things will settle down soon - so for me it's feet up when I can, the odd takeaway here and there, baths and a bit of brain numbing telly as well! No guilt, it's essential if I'm going to get a decent night's sleep and be able to function in the morning!

That bug you've got is probably a good thing, you're being forced to take it easy!

Take care x