It’s all a bit of a shock

hi

welcome to the online community, sorry you've had to come and find us

time

I know it's going to sound a bit lame and not the instantaneous fix you're looking for but give it time

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2015 after discovering i'd actually had it since 2012, screening isn't perfect, and the first thing I did was wail sob and throw away my bras because i'd never need them again because i'd have to have my boobs removed and i was going to die anyway. 

That lasted for about a week. 

Then I had the surgery and the surgeon missed a whole tumour so I had to chase that down which distracted me. 

Unlike you I didn't think of myself as immortal but once I was aware i might not live forever I suddenly wanted to. 

It's the grieving process, apparently, 1. shock  2. denial 3. disbelief  ...  I called a friend and she summed it up perfectly

"oh my god you're joking, oh no, you wouldn't joke about something like that, how can it be, you can't have breast cancer, I don't believe it"

then she paused and we laughed, we were both like, what the ****

Once I'd had that conversation things felt a little easier, a problem shared and all that.

next comes 4. blaming and bargaining, why me, what did I do, what if I'd done this and not done that?????

5. anger ... try not to get cross with your family, it's not their fault

6. sadness ... have a good cry

7. practical acceptance, what can I do about this

8. you deal with it

it's not linear and it varies person to person, I got stuck in 'blaming and bargaining' for a while and the 'anger' kept coming back.

Anyway, here I am, still, in 2019 having the occasional wallow but on the whole I get therapy from being here helping others into the lifeboats.

Carolyn

xxx

Hi

thanks for the advice and support. 

Hi

Sorry you find yourself here but your in the right place to help you work through this . 

Hubby was diagnosed with stage 4 malignant melanoma and we were definitely in shock for a while .once it had been discussed & a treatment plan was is place it seemed easier to deal with ( what else can you do ) .

He had to undergo surgery & immunotherapy but we are on the other side now and have been on 3monthly checks. He has responded brilliantly to the treatment . 

I just wanted to let you know that the fact you are on regular checks & knowing there are so many treatments available . 

Doesn't take away the worry completely but does help you to think on positive side . 

If you look on the melanoma group you are not alone there are people going through this & will be able give you support &  answer any questions .

In mean time try take 1 step at a time  

Take care 

Big hug x