Coming to terms & talking to teenagers

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry HBD. It must be just such an unbelievably difficult time for you at the moment. 

I see your message was left this morning so I don't know if you've already had the talk with your son, if you have, I really hope it went as well as possible, stupid thing to say I know, but it's different for everyone I guess and difficult to know what the 'right' thing to say is. I have two daughters aged 14 and 11 and I told them recently that my mum has spreading bladder cancer. My oldest didn't really say much, just asked a couple of questions, my younger daughter initially got angry with me that I'd been honest, asked why I hadn't just said it was a hip problem or something (?) but then not long after, had a cry and said she was glad I'd told her. 

This was before we were given the prognosis of 12 months, and when I then told them that, she seemed to take it quite well and I don't know about your son, but I've noticed that mine don't tend to dwell on things but carry on with their lives and then bring it up now and again - but then, it's easy to forget I suppose because, like your dad, she's currently fairly well. 

I think a bit of natural denial is good - it helps with enjoying the present for what it is - like, we've known for a month now and I've had days where it weighs heavy on my mind, I'm really frightened of the future, low and exhausted, and then other days where I realise by the evening that I've barely thought about it. Again, possibly because so far, she's not too symptomatic. 

I think this is all about one day at a time and crossing each small bridge when you get to them. You'll feel better with him knowing than trying to hide it. 

I hope you are ok tonight 

PL 

I can sympathise with both of you here , I am one of three sisters and my dad who is 94 is in hospital at the minute after being diagnosed with oesophageal cancer , he hadn't eaten or drank for a month and was on a drip while diagnosis was made which to be honest has been pretty horrific , but all three of us have struggled to come to terms with it as although he is 94 he was very active and lives on his own , he is due to come home in the next few days and wants to try and manage on his own he doesn't want outside care but I can go help him for some of the day, I look at it that I've got to deal with it and get on with it and that this time is quite precious because I don't know how long he will be around and I'll never get another chance so I think although there may be anger disagreements and upset eventually it can bring you closer, and yes I'm worried about how he'll manage when he comes home and can I care for him but if he wants to try and remain independent then I feel I owe it to him to support that decision