Loneliness and guilt

FormerMember over 5 years ago

2 replies
15 subscribers
1302 views

I’m looking for a bit of help and support

my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer about 4 weeks ago and was rushed back to hospital this week with an infection. I live away from home and am coming back once a week sometimes twice to see her. Work were great and gave me 2 weeks off at the start and I have come up twice a week ever since. I live 135 miles away. This week was really worrying and hard and after managing my emotions for this whole time I just snapped and broke down to my dad. Who told my mom. Who told me it wasn’t fair to my dad to do that. I’m trying so hard to be strong for everyone but inside I’m really broken. I really miss my mom. I’m going away for a few days with my boyfriend to see his family but will still be coming to see my mom in a weeks time, but she has told me to not complain about feeling lonely and sad if I choose to go away on the trip. I feel guilty for wanting to go and to do things with friends, and also feel guilty for getting upset. Is it that I shouldn’t have any emotions or feelings? It is after all something happening to my mom and I’m powerless as we have to trust in the medical professionals. And I feel selfish because I do have emotions. I’m sad all the time and I worry all the time and don’t know what to do.

can anyone help? I don’t really feel I have anyone I can talk to.

thanks

FormerMember over 5 years ago

Hi,

In my opinion, no-one can or should tell you how to feel. It is what it is and we all process these feelings differently.

I think you’re being too hard on yourself, you are under a lot of pressure and travelling long distances to maintain contact with your Mum.

Although it is hard, life goes on despite whatever is happening in our personal lives and there are big highs and big lows too.

I think you should go with your friends, a break will be good for you - providing your Mum is reasonably stable.

Dont feel guilty for getting upset, it’s a release and will help you cope, bottling up is bad, my Mum is doing this and it’s affecting her ability to face things.

As long as you are honest with yourself and doing the best you can, then be kind to yourself, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

Wouldn’t your boyfriend provide some support and allow you to spill your emotions? Or the friends you visit?

There’s always people here to talk to.

Be strong, it sounds like you are a kind & loving daughter. No-one is saying this is easy but we do what we can.

take care

FormerMember over 5 years ago in reply to FormerMember

thank you so much for your reply, it has been very helpful. There is no rule book for how to feel I know, and I’m finding it hard fighting the guilt that comes with the low days. I’m lucky that me and my dad have a great support network of friends - and me and my dad are very close so I know I can tell him when my upset and not doing okay. However, all of my friends have moved back home with their families so the struggle of being so far away from it all isn’t something they can help with or relate to. Same for my boyfriend, as supportive as he is he just doesn’t know what to say to help.

My mum is still in hospital which is the best place to get the care she needs and I ring every day at visiting time so I can speak to her. She is in a lot of pain, so on days like today she is struggling and it’s hard to see her like that, and so I worry she is disappointed in me for not being there more although I’m here every spare day and evening I have. She was my grandmas carer for 20 years and so I want to do the right thing and not let her down or make her feel like I’m not putting her first.

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