Struggling to process and cope

Hi Hanpw,

I'm the same age as you and lost my grandfather from melanoma earlier this year and my other grandfather just a month ago. It is hard. It is sad and it hurts. All I can say is be with her everyday. The best thing to do is spend as much time as you can with her and hope that treatment goes well. I know a bit of the process if you want more information but just be prepared for anything. Support her as best as you can and don't leave her alone for more than a day (depending how far you live but try to see her as often as you can). It will really boost her moral just you being there for her.

But I would recommend someone, either you or anyone close to her, to accompany her for appointments (if she wants) just so she has a second voice to help her. Sometimes, the medical staff aren't as urgent as they should be (it also depends who you get), so it helps to have someone to try and pressure them to do more.

Hi Hanpw, welcome to the community, tho it's probably the last place u wanna b. I hope you're asleep right now. If not ,there's usually someone else awake - like me!

So sorry to hear about your nan -  I'm glad you've found us to listen n support you.

How about joining the Lung cancer and Bone, secondary cancer groups? U can then be in touch with folk in a similar situation to your nan. 

Should u want to talk, there's the helpline available on 0808 808 0000 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week. They can tell you of any Macmillan or Maggie's centres in your area too, where u can talk to someone face to face.

You've taken the first step in getting your emotions out here. U can also join the Room, should u want to vent -  or the Emotional issues group.Could I suggest u put a bit in your profile too, to save u keep repeating yourself.

Take care, big hugs x

Hi 

I’m so sorry about your nan. My mum was diagnosed a few weeks ago and we are very close and I must say I know exactly how you are feeling. Cancer is not something I have experience with either and it is a terrifying illness that affects everyone connected to the patient and in different ways. I have found that I don’t know how I’m supposed to be feeling but I know I must be strong for my family. 

make sure you look after yourself. Make sure you talk to those around you - partner, friends, colleagues as they are your support network and talking really does help. Something people have been telling me is that it’s okay to feel whatever you are feeling and you shouldn’t apologise for it. Bottling up is bad so if you can talk to your friends and family that will help with coming to terms with it all. I know that has been helpful so far for me. Even when I’m falling apart and not coping. 

stay positive and if your Nan is too tired, sometimes it’s enough that you are there and holding their hand. Their illness takes a lot out of them. Smiling and telling them about the mundane things that can take their mind of the pain. 

if you are concerned about what the treatment plan might be, and if the medical professionals seem to be dragging their feet, then speak to the nurses and doctors. Make some fuss and push them because it’s the only way to get things moving. We have had to do that with my mom and managed to get a consultant appointment brought forward by three weeks. Once you know a treatment plan that will help as it’s some light at the end of the tunnel and something to work toward. 

thoughts and prayers are with you xx

My heart goes out to you and I'm sending you a hug. My mum was diagnosed with lung cancer a few years ago and has since passed away. LIke you I had no idea what to expect, I had known family members with cancer but nobody that I was so close to.

Firstly its an emotional rollercoaster its natural not to be able to cope I honestly dont think that you ever get over the shock and it will stay with you for a long time. Who's your nan's main carer? Your nan will be given a care plan and she will be appointed a hospice nurse if she is being cared for at home. I was my mum's carer and it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. if you have any questions going forward there are so many people on here that can point you in the right direction. 

My biggest regret was that I never really knew what to say to my mum and I wish I had told her that. If I could have my time again with my mum  and if the time was right I would say "I dont know what to say because I love you so much and I dont know what to do but we will get through this together" 

Sending my love X