Dad just diagnosed with Gullet (oesophagus) cancer

Hi Han,  sorry you've found yourself in the middle of this terrible situation. 

My husband was diagnosed at the beginning of August with oesophagus cancer with metastasis. 

It's a terrible journey to be on. 

If you feel that you need to talk,  cry or swap ideas please feel free to contact me. 

Mandy  x

Hi Han,

Sorry to hear about your dad, please join the OC group, there are loads of helpful people on here to support you and your dad through this journey. Keep positive and keep posting..

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_types/gullet-oesophagus-cancer/

best wishes

Ricky.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this, perhaps hoping it will help me grieve. Here we are over 5 years on from my original post and my Dad's diagnosis. Sadly on Monday 27th May 2024 my wonderful Dad passed away. 

He passed at home with myself and my mum by his side. Honestly I'm not sure I'll ever forget or get over seeing my Dad's last breath and seeing his poor body lifeless. He really deteriorated quickly in his last few days and it was really awful and upsetting to see. My poor dad was nothing but skin and bone, he could barely close his eyelids, talk or move at all. I wasn't prepared for the end.

I hate to paint such an awful picture but this is what happened and unfortunately he was let down hugely by the care system over the last few weeks to months. He should of had a palliative care team coming in to help him wash etc 3 times a day, but this never happened and my Mum was left to care for him 24/7 until the last day of his life, by this point a lovely nurse realised he'd been left and was somehow not on their radar and it was too late. I don't think the outcome would of changed but it would have been better for my Mum and my Dad if he got the care and help he needed at the end. 

I just hope he wasn't in pain when he went left us, im trying to take comfort that we were with him in his final hours but I feel so sad and angry. I'm glad his suffering is over, but God I miss him. Its not even been a week and it makes you wonder how you are supposed to get past something this like. It's something I pray I don't have to go through again, I also hope my daughter doesn't have to go through this ever with myself or my husband. Just seems inevitable though, which makes me really sad. Why must we watch our loved ones slowly deteriorate and die from this cruel disease.

My heart is broken.

HansW93,

My heart is broken for you. I'm so, so sorry. 

Reading your post is like reading my own experience losing my lovely Dad. I can totally sympathise with how your are feeling right now, and like you I'm still feeling traumatised at watching my brave Dad literally fade away and die in front of us. We lost my Dad on 4th January this year, he was diagnosed with lung cancer on 30th Oct 2023, sent home with booklets and leaflets and promises of palliative care, but then 'got lost in the system' so no help or care arrived and it was my 75 year old Mum who cared for him. I wrote to the NHS asking they investigate what happened and why they were left. I've since had a letter of apology, acknowledging my parents were badly let down and making 7 recommendations so this doesn't happen again. However, receiving this has actually made me even more angry and so very, very sad. This should not have happened. Like you, I know it would not have changed the outcome, but my Dad should have been moved into a hospice where his pain could have been properly managed, where he would have been made comfortable in a hospital bed and where we as a family could have spent some quality time with him, without having to be his carers. 

I'm so sorry you've experienced the same lack of care......but do take some comfort that your Dad would have known you were both with him and he's free from pain now. I remind myself of that everyday. 

My heart really does go out to you, as I know how you feel and nothing, nothing can prepare you for watching a parent pass away. However, I can't imagine not being there with him. It's still very early early days for you, and I'm sure you're still in total shock....the only way I could describe it was it was a physical pain. My heart truly feels broken. 

I'm sending love and strength to you. Please do contact me if you want to type away....I'll happily listen. Take care. xxx 

Sending compassion. Your dad was loved and cared for.  That is precious.  You did good and it's ok to grieve.  Natural. Thanks for sharing.  

Hi The boys,

Firstly I want to apologise for not responding to you until now. 

Secondly I would really like to thank you for replying to my post and reaching out to me. As much as I couldn't find the words or strength to respond at the time, reading your words really did give me some form of comfort, even though your story was again a sad, hard and all too familiar read.

I'm sorry you have had to go through such a loss and it saddens me to hear you've had a similar experience too.

I'm nearly 4 months without Dad now and I still struggle with the images of him passing when I think of him. I know its still early days but it really is the most awful thing I've ever experienced. I know with time I will learn to live with this grief a little better and i hope you manage to aswell.

Again i just want to thank you for taking the time to write to me, I really appreciate it so much! I hope your doing OK, my heart goes out to you too and I hope little messages like this can help to heal. It's certainly had a positive impact for me.

Take care x