I recently found out that my Dad, who lives abroad, has bowel cancer that has spread to bones and lymph glands. I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus. I’m trying to be as supportive as I can from such a long distance. We message daily but I feel so guilty that I’m not able to make a phone call to him. I can’t keep my emotions in check long enough to speak with him. I’ve been ill myself this year due to bad mental health, after a stint of rtms, I’m on my road to recovery. But my emotions are all over the place. I can be feeling ok and the next minute I’m sobbing. Smells, sounds, memories, all sorts set me off. And if anyone asks if I’m ok!! It’s getting embarrassing. Everyone’s telling me it’s all normal for what I’m going through, and my CPN says I’ve started the grieving process already. It’s such a roller coaster. I need to go out to visit my parents, but I have to work around my husband and children, and then question if I’m making the right decisions, saying the right things all the time.
He’s had one treatment of chemo that knocked him out, so his second round was postponed. He goes back to hospital tomorrow for tests to see if he’s well enough for his second round. I feel so helpless.
