How do I make it better?

Hey and welcome to the community; although I'm sorry for the reason you find yourself here, it's the best place to come and find support, information and help when you need it the most. 

I can relate to you so much on this one, my mum felt like giving up quite a lot during chemo, and just as your mum, she was just tired and fed up of being Ill and not being able to do things that she would normally be able to do. 

There really is nothing more than you can do to be useful, than to be there for her and help her with things she doesnt feel up to doing. I know how frustrating it is when you feel like you can't help or do anything to make her less frustrated and uncomfortable, but it really is the best thing you can do for her right now. 

Be there for her when she has a cry, wants to talk, whatever, and be there to listen. Knowing she can speak to you and feel heard will be helpful to her, as she has some place to get her feelings out in the open. You could also reccomend this community to her, as she will find people who have been/are going through what she is right now. I think it makes the world of difference when you can talk to people who truly understand. Also, try mentioning your experience on here, so she knows what its like etc

When she is struggling with the little things that she normally would find easy to do, just reassure her that after treatment, she will be back to doing those things, but just in the meantime, you're going to help her with things. I kept trying to make sure she focused on why she was having treatment, and the good it actually was doing even though it made her feel so poorly. It may sound like something silly, but when you're so run down, due to a treatment that's meant to be making you feel better, it's very easy to forget the end goal and what the purpose of all of this is for. 

As for your Dad, make sure to be there for him too. I know its horrible that you feel as though hes been forgotten, but it's most likely due to people being so worried about your Mum, they don't mean to, but it happens. So just make sure you have time for him too, and also listen to what he wants to talk and vent etc about. He might not feel as though he can open up fully to your mum, as he may not want to upset her.  

I know these things might not seem like much, but now mum has finished treatment she realises how much it actually helped her to get through her treatment, and now she feels a lot better and can see how the chemo has worked so brilliantly, it all makes it worth it for her. 

I hope this helps you somehow, but I'm always here for whenever you want a chat or rant, or anything inbetween. You'll always have someone around here. 

Lots of love, hugs and healing to you, your Mum, Dad and Family, 

Alex xxxx

Alex thank you so very much for taking the time to talk to me. I was feeling a little isolated as I don’t  share my thoughts and feelings with anyone as I am supposed to be the strong one who fixes everything. You make perfect sense I could feel her frustration everyone was telling her what to do but only she knows this is her fight her choices to make I think we’ve all been guilty of forgetting that. 

Most of my efforts thus far have been making memories with them both just giving them other stuff to focus on even if it’s just for a day so they remember who they actually are not just Mam and dad battling this cruel disease. 

Your words and thoughts have helped me to “reset” and am ready again to love and support them the best way I know how.

Much sincere love to you and your family xxx