Just lost my mum

I'm so sorry to hear that Hannah. 26 is very young to have all that on your shoulders.

Some hospices offer bereavement counselling, as do these people I think - https://www.cruse.org.uk Do you have siblings or a Dad? What's your living situation, were you at home with Mum? Do you need help with practical things like registering the death and executing the will? The funeral? Are your work being reasonable about giving you time off for all this?

All the best,

Rachel (also lost my Mum this week, but on 29th!)

Hi Rachel

Im sorry to hear about your mum aswell. 

My dad lives in the US, so unfortunately isn’t around, but my brother and grandma are. I live with my boyfriend too. I am just conscious of my grandmas emotions as she has lost her child  

Work are being incredible actually, they have let me have a week of compassionate leave but also said I can see how it goes and extend if needed. I understand the registering and will book an appointment with a funeral company, I am worried about how I’m going to pay for it though. Also we never had the chance to talk about what she would have wanted, so I’m nervous about making those decisions. 

Do you have people around you to help? I’ll look into those counselling bits, I’ve seen there is a helpline for my area so will try then. 

Thank you

hannah

Hi Hannah, 

Good to hear you're not totally alone! I have a Dad and little sister, plus good friends. That's good about work, I am freelance but my sister is a teacher and she got a couple of weeks paid leave to look after Mum and is now on unpaid until the week after the funeral. People keep telling me the hardest bit is going back to work - we will see!

Just wanted to mention, I'm pretty sure funeral expenses are paid out of the estate after the will is executed (so like, months later!). Did your Mum leave a will? Who is the executor? Hope you manage to think of something she'd have liked for the funeral. We are off to meet Mum's funeral director today, eek.

Best,

Rachel

Hi Both, 

I hope the funeral arrangements are going ok? I'm three weeks post losing mum at 60 - we organised the funeral very quickly, less that a week after she died and I know it can be difficult to know what they would have wanted. but I would say the funeral directors were really helpful and will answer pretty much any question you may have, so don't be afraid to ask or their help.  I was scared I wouldn't choose the right song or the best flowers, but actually it is a day for you too and will be a memory going forward, so just do what feels right. 

I returned to work this week and it has been a strange adjustment but it is good to be busy and focus on projects, even if they seem quite frivolous now.  Its strange not phoning mum every night on my walk home, it was our time to chat and to laugh and I find myself reaching for my phone unconsciously before I remember. I have replaced the walk listening to the 'Griefcast' podcast instead, hearing others share stories of loss and joining the DMC (dead mums club), its bittersweet but strangely soothing. 

I have started exploring options of finding someone to talk to professionally - Let me know if either of you have any ideas or guidance on this? Its such a minefield. 

Anyway, its nice to have a space to chat here. I live with my boyfriend who has been fantastic, but as both of his parents are fighting cancer themselves, I feel like I also need to protect him. 

Sending love and support. 

Sky x

Hi all, sadly i lost my mum on the 29th and it was 7 and half weeks since my dad passed away. 

It sounds like you all have great support and that is so important, anyone thar offers help take it. Do you have any close family frienda that can helo? What about asking your mums friends if they know what she may want.

If i can help at anyway please don't be afraid to ask(said to my brother the other night it is scary what I know needs to be done in terms of arranging a funeral.

Xxx