How to support & help a close friend

Hello and welcome to the community, although I'm sorry for the reason you find yourself here, you've come to the best place. 

Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear about your friends Mums diagnosis, but you even taking the time and thought to reach out on here for ways to support her already speaks volumes. You sound like such a wonderful, supportive friend. 

The best advice I can give you, just as the daughter of someone who has cancer, I hope will help you a lot. 

It may sound silly, but you being there so far and still continuing to be there for them both is something on it's own, it's amazing. When my mum was diagnosed, my 'best friend' called the first night and asked what had happened, I explained everything to her, and while mum was going through chemo that made her so horribly poorly, and up until a month or so ago, I didnt hear anything from her. That hurt so badly, because I felt like I needed my best friend, and she wasnt there. So believe me, you being there and supporting her is invaluable and something only a friend can do. Sometimes she probably wont want to open up to family members, in fear that she may upset them with how she's truly feeling, so just be there for those moments, to listen, to hear her have a rant or a cry. Just let her get everything about how she's feeling out of her system, so she's not holding onto it. The lovely friend you already are will probably already make her feel like shes able to speak like that with you, so if she does, just listen, and give advice where you can. 

And Macmillan nurses are brilliant, especially with helping out, but that doesn't mean you can't do anything you want to to help your friends mum too. Even if its something like grabbing something from the shop that they need, something as small as that will be helpful to them at such a difficult time. 

All these things are just the best thing you can do for your friend right now. They're all things I wish my best friend would've done, but didnt. So continue being a superstar friend, and being there for your friend and her Mum, and that will be the best thing you can do for them both. They both need love and support now more than ever, and that's the most amazing thing you're giving them. 

Do come back and let us know how everything goes, and dont hesitate to come and speak to us with your own feelings, as a cancer diagnosis effects everybody. 

Lots of love, light and healing to you, your friend and her Mum, and try to keep smiling. 

Alex xxx

Lexi T7 Id firstly like to say thank u so much to take the time out to reply to my post and give advice from such a personal experience. That’s truly touching and heartfelt. I will of course keep yoposted and will certainly pass your thoughts & kind words on to my friend. I told them both that I’d registered and posted in the hope of a reply and how informative the site is as her and also her m seem in shock and disbelief as to the news they’ve recently heard. As her mum hadn’t been eating and very little fluid in take I decided to plate her mum up a small side plate (so she wasn’t over ced) I sent  it over with her daughter along with a new flavour Vimeo cordial and crunch up ice, sent my apologies I didn’t have any sparklers and cocktail umbrellas to dress the glass up. I called er later that evening to hear mum say to me thank you so much for that I ate it all up and that drink was really nice and refreshing. To hear that I was so pleased with myself as I saw how happy heraughter was that her mum had eaten and with that I knew just the little things mean a lot, so I’ll continue to do those things knowing it has a ripple effect for them both. Again I can’t thank you eugh for your advice and lovely warm words. Love & light to you and your mum

Oh I'm so glad I have been a little help to you at this awful time! and thank you so much, them knowing how much many people care will keep them strong. I'm also glad my own experience helped you so much, that's why I'm a champ on here, to share my own experiences and feelings of being a family member, so your words really touched me. It's also great that you let your friend know about our community, and now you're part of it, it may give them the idea to sign up themselves, and even if they dont want to post, they can look at other posts and replies, and look at all of our information about everything they'd like to know. 

And the side plate and vimto are such a good idea, it really is the little things that mean alot! With her not wanting to eat much, mum was like that during chemo, so either yourself or your friend,try to get some lovely hot chocolates that she likes, or milkshakes, anything full of calories that she will drink. I found with mum that she enjoyed the actual drink, and got her fluids up, and at he same time she was getting quite a few extra calories from it that she wouldn't have gotten from eating. You have to be sneaky! Haha. But you're right, the little things mean the most hun, and you're doing such an amazing job, don't ever doubt that. 

Thank you so much, and you all keep being strong sweetie, lots of love, 

Alex xxxx