my friend is alone in hospital and very frightened

Hi and welcome to the online community and I'm very sorry to hear about your friend and we all know that you wish you didn't have to visit with us but we're pleased you felt that you could reach out to us at this time

Don't think about yourself as being useless it can be hard to know what to say or do when supporting a friend who has cancer.

It is important to remember that there are no set rules and every friendship is different.

Remember that often the little things mean the most.

Take Time to Prepare Yourself

Here are some things to consider before talking to her.

Process your own feelings beforehand. . Take time to acknowledge and cope with your own emotions about the news. This way, you can keep the focus on your friend.

She may not feel like talking about the details for many reasons. It can be physically and emotionally tiring to repeat the same information to different people, do not push for more information than she is prepared to talk about.

You may also want to prepare yourself for changes in your friend’s appearance.

Although each person with cancer is different, here are some suggestions for showing support:

Ask permission before giving advice and asking questions, ask if she doesn't mind. Be sure to make it clear that saying no is perfectly okay.

Do not be afraid to make plans for the future. This gives your friend something to look forward to,

Make plans that are easy to change in case your friend needs to cancel or reschedule.

Laugh together.A light conversation or a funny story can make a friend’s day.

Allow for sadness. Do not ignore uncomfortable topics or feelings.

Many people find it hard to ask for help your friend will likely appreciate an offer of help. If your friend declines an offer, do not take it personally.

Follow through. If you say you'll do something try to follow through on your promise.

As much as possible, treat her the same way you always have.

Talk about topics other than cancer.

Offer to let others know how she is doing so that your friend does not have to repeat experiences or information multiple times.

Do not be afraid to talk with your friend. It is better to say, “I don’t know what to say” than to stop calling or visiting because you feel uncomfortable.

You can say things that helps to show your care and support: simple things like

I'm sorry this has happened to you.

If you ever feel like talking, I’m here to listen.

What are you thinking of doing, and how can I help?

I care about you.

I’m thinking about you.

Try and avoid saying things like this

I know how you feel.

I know just what you should do.

I’m sure you’ll be fine.

Don’t worry.

How long do you have?

If she is at home and you can't visit regularly make a phone call but let your friend know it is okay if she doesn't reply.

Offer practical help

Your friend’s needs may change, so be flexible in changing your plans as needed. Let her know that you are available if an unexpected need comes up.

Doing things if she is at home.

Shopping for groceries and picking up prescriptions.

Help with chores around the house.

Cook dinner and drop it off.

Plan a night to have a take away and spend the night watching a film together.

Offer to go with her to appointments

If she is able try and do the things together that you used to do..

Your friendship can make a difference to her.

Do not forget that she will need encouragement and support. Your friend will be trying to find her "new normal" in this next phase of life. Your friendship can help her cope with the future.

Talking with Someone Who Has Cancer,

Watching This might help you prepare yourself before offering to give support to your friend.

I hope the above will be of some help, I am sure that others will be along soon to add to this. Many of the other members may have been in the same position previously and will be willing to share their experiences with you.

Please remember to think about yourself and try not to over commit yourself to the extent that you become exhausted and think about scaling down your support.

You are very welcome to come back at any time and ask us anything that is troubling you, it is more than likely that someone else has had the same problem as you and can give you advice. We are all here to support you whilst you are giving support to your friend.

Ian

You will see some text above in green please click on it to open up a video (apologies it might make reference to American support but supporting a friend has no boundaries.)