Dads diagnoses

Hi

It's normal to want to be able to do everything you can for your dad and your love for him shines through your post. You might find this information from Macmillan on what you can do to help useful.

It's also completely natural to struggle yourself and it's important that you look after yourself too. It may be an idea to speak to your GP and explain how you feel with all that you're going through as they may be able to refer you for counselling. 

Macmillan also provide this information on talking to children and teenagers about cancer. You can also download or order free booklets which will help to explain to them in ways that they can understand.

I see that you were being investigated for a possible melanoma at the end of last year and I'm hoping that turned out to be negative.

I'm also going to tag my fellow Community Champions src60 and into my reply to you as they look after this group and will probably be able to add further information.

Sending a supportive ((hug))

Hey and welcome to the community, although I'm sorry for the reason you find yourself here. I'm so sorry to hear about your dads diagnosis, but thankfully they seem to be on the ball with his treatment. 

You sound exactly like myself when my mum was diagnosed, and to that my heart goes out to you, because you just really don't feel strong enough to be there for them. But I've found that you find that strength somewhere within you, purely because of how much you love your parent. 

In regards to what you can do to help, if hes stubborn (like my mum is too!) I promise you, that it doesnt have to be a physical way that you help him. You being there (most days which is an amazing thing on its own) is probably exactly what helps your dad. It's probably what gets him through his hard times; seeing his children and your little ones! Being there for someone, no matter what, emotionally and mentally is a huge thing, and if that's the only way you can be there for him, dont think of it as you not doing anything. Knowing you're there for him to vent to, and talk to about anything and everything, is probably such a relief to him full stop. 

With how to tell your children, I've seen that there are actually picture story books being made now, you may want to have a look at some of those, especially for your youngest. Along with the information latchbrook gave you, these may be a huge help. They explain the diagnosis of cancer, in a child friendly way. Most of the are amazing and are designed and created by people who have had cancer themselves and have had to try and tell their little ones what's happening. I think in one of them, the cancer is explained as a monster that the person has to fight. It may be an easier way to get them to understand. But whichever way you choose to tell them, remember, kids are a lot more resilient to us, and they have you as their amazing mummy to help them. 

But please take time for yourself through all this. I know it feels as though there isn't any time to, but to look after them, we have to be ok ourselves to some extent. Do something you enjoy, take 5 minutes to just breathe and think. And at night time, there are many sleep apps that offer guided meditation and mindfulness, even if you just listen to the waves crashing on one of the music apps, then it may help. If not, maybe consider going to your GP, explaining everything that is going on and refer to the nightmares too. 

I really hope all of this helps. I just wanted to remind you that being there for someone living with cancer is not easy, but you are also never alone. You'll always have this community and you know where to find me whenever you want a chat with someone who actually 'gets it'. 

Lots of love, hugs, light and healing to you, your children, your Dad and family, 

Alex xxxx

Hello 

sorry for my late reply, yeah it was negative last year thanks for asking, 

thank u so much for the advice I will deff look into those books in the morning, I’m worried about telling them and I know I will cry when I have to tell them.

i will deff think about the GP if I need it 

thanks again x

Hi

ive just joined the group today after finding out this morning that my dad has cancer too. It seems to be in his liver but they’re exploring whether that’s primary or secondary. They’ve said there’s unlikely to be anything they can do, but we’ve got to wait for them to meet next week for more information. I also have kids, 4 and 2, and they are very close to their grandad. I know one of the things he is most distressed about is the thought that he won’t get to see them grow up. I don’t know what to do either, I’ve said we will do whatever is needed to support - whether that’s going to appointments with him, helping him achieve some bucket list things, or just trying to reassure him that’s what we’ll do. I’ve told him we’re all in it together no matter what happens.

just thought I’d say hi really, as it sounds were in similar situations. Today goes down as one of the worst ever.

claire

Hi 

I’m so sorry about your dads diagnoses, this truly sucks doesn’t it!

It’s just the most heartbreaking thing, I can see my dad looking frail for the first ever time in my life, I just wanna wrap him in cotton wool!  we are still waiting for more information and what treatment there could be.

if your like me I am finding I just bust into tears, normally at night when the kids are asleep, but it could be anywhere Tesco didn’t have my fav brand of chocolate and when the lady chicken none in stock I started to cry I’m sure she must think I like chocolate a bit too much!  these tears seem to come from nowhere but in front of my mum and dad I have to be strong they need me to be.

I still haven’t told the kids I just am at a complete loss I have sort of convinced myself it’s ok to wait until we have all the information.

i think we are in a similar place it’s nice to be able to connect with people in the same boat it makes me feel not so alone (if u see what I mean)

x

Thanks for getting in touch. I’m going to see him this afternoon and, to be honest, I’m really really nervous about how I’ll find him, what to do, what to say. I’m also a bit worried that everyone’s going to sit around crying and freaking out the children.

hope your day is better!

C 

Yeah I know the feeling even through I see my dad almost everyday (only when I’m working I’m not over at my mums) I get nervous about seeing him I’m trying not to be.

i hope today goes ok for u all x