Helping my wife cope with anxiety

Hi Matt

I'm so sorry to read your story and how it has effected and impacted on your life together. We all know the strains it puts on both of you just trying to get through each day and I'm pleased to see that you have a wonderful group of friends who are giving you help and support 

I'm also sorry to see that as you put it Mac would not help you and I wonder what the problem was however let me see if I can be of some help to you.

I see that you attend Addenbrooke's and I have entered Cambridge into the

Macmillans Support in your local area

and In the Cambridge area I found that amongst other places you could possible get some support and help for both your wife and yourself is from a Maggies Centre and you do indeed have one situated at Maggie's @ Addenbrookes and they offer quite a lot of support where you can just drop into the centre anytime Monday to Friday.

You will see if you open this up In the Cambridge area there is quite a lot happening with other support groups in the Cambridgeshire, Essex and Suffolk areas which depending where you live maybe of interest to you but I would also suggest that you have another chat to the Macmillans information centre at Addenbrooke's as they may have some more local knowledge of support groups nearer to you but I do know by looking In the Cambridge area I have found support groups in Huntington and surrounding area and also Royston which might be of interest to you and allow you and your wife to get out of the house and chat with other people in a similar situation.

Can I just add that whilst you are doing everything you can for your wife as her carer you must make sure that you look after yourself and get some respite and maybe getting out to have a coffee or something else with friends just to have a break I'm sure that you would both feel the benefit of it. I also hope that you have successfully applied for the Attendance Allowance for your wife if not I'm confident that the Macmillans centre at Addenbrooke's would be able to help you complete the forms if not AgeUK would help you and send the forms off for you they also maybe able to offer you some support in other ways if you contact them.

I am sure that there is support from many organisations in your area which the Macmillans centre at Addenbrooke's can direct you to.

If you don't feel like contacting them you can call our very friendly telephone support line on 0808 808 0000 and speak to one of the team who will listen to you and give you help and support, I would stress that they are there to listen to you to find out your needs and they are available every day of the week between 8 am and 8 pm every day of the year why not give them a call you maybe surprised by the help they can give you.

We have many other online groups you can join in addition to the ones you have already joined but I feel at this moment you are in need of some practical support that maybe initially Maggie's @ Addenbrookes will be able to offer you.

Please come back to me if you need anymore help and I'll certainly do all I can do to direct you to support in your area but please do ensure that whatever you do the support you get includes you as it is important that your well-being is looked after as well as that of your wife's.

Take care 

Ian

Note that by clicking on any of the green text above will open up new pages for you and take you to local support.

Many thanks Ian:

We are about 45 minutes [n/e] from Addenbrookes which is to far; I have been in contact with Maggies, some months ago,  and found them very good on their forums.  The issue I had with MacMillan was that they would only see my wife for counselling which took 6 - 8 weeks and then they had no interest in talking me me, not even to provide background information.  My wife’s suffers badly from short term memory loss or chemo brain and doesn’t retain any details of conversations immediately afterwards.  She also suffered from post operative trauma following her liver and hip surgery.  This made her even more anxious.  She doesn’t like being left alone and feels safest at home.  Visibly she doesn’t look unwell [although very tired al the time] but the underlying diagnosis is constantly on her mind.  She suffers terribly from peripheral nerve damage caused by oxalyplatin which also gets her down.

Because she doesn’t “technically” need 24 hr or even 12 hr care; I dont think attendance allowance is not available; but will investigate. I do have details of Suffolk Carers and will be in contact with them for my own benefit.

The constant effort of trying to stay patient with the anxiety gets we down as trying to constantly stay upbeat is a real effort sometimes.  Finding the best way of handling things often eludes me.

Thanks again