Sadness, feeling lost today

Omg hub firstly massive hugs. Secondly I so get where you are now as it is very similar to my situation. 

So quickly my situation so you get what i mean. Last Oct my dad (68) got diagnosed with the same cancer as your mum, he also had dementia so couldn't do chemo. They started some radiotherapy but then put a stent in. Sadly Fri 5th April (2 days before his birthday) he passed away.

2nd January this year with mum on her second trip to hospital since November last year we get told she has lung cancer and that has spread (and that the shadow is on an x-ray that they did 3 years ago but said nothing) This year mum has spent more time in hospital than at home. She is too weak for any treatment and has signed to not be rescitated. She also has COPD. For dad's last four days he is was on the same ward as mum, three wasn't a lot of marriage left due to other stuff but they are old school and have been married 44years.

Mum left the hospital about  5oclock on the 5th and with in 3 hours dad was gone. Tehy thought he wouldn't have passed away the Thursday night.....We suspect mum will ve gone in a few months too, she can barley walk and is only out of bed for about 2 hours a day.

So yeah I get where you are at the moment and I wish I could give you a big hug in person. This isn't your fault, you have done what you promised your mum but you couldn't stop him from getting ill it is just unfortunate it is the same kind of illness (broadly speaking).

As you say take one day at a time, cry if you want to just do what you need to do. Not sure if this will help but just think of it as they will soon be together.

As for wanting him to stay in hospital and saying no to him coming home it is the right thing. I did this when the hospital wanted to discharge mum 4 week's ago and when said no as didn't know enough on the care plan etc got told that they are on critical alert  I turned round and said you send mum home and she will be back in again within days and I will be there two (this was 3 weeks after I broke and we were marked up as family in crises). We then had a meeting due to family resistance of discharge and the sister in charge said I 100% did the right thing. I can't explain how much better I felt after she said that. On the Monday of the week we lost dad the hospital tried to discharge him but couldn't get hold of mum (cause she was on the floor below him) so called my brother and again we get marked as family resistance to discharge. You have to do what is right for you and say no and stick to your gyms otherwise the social service /discharge side will just put on you and expect to do it.

We have finally managed to get mum to agree to live in carers after her being home for a week and having had 3 falls, all of which weren't when the carers where on and max can get on social is 4 visits a day... Would live in care be something you could look into?

Please feel free to message me if you want. My head is all over the place and I haven't really started griefing for dad as too focused on keeping mum out of hospital so she can be at the funeral.

Lota of love and hugs xxxx