Dear all,
I’m sorry that we find ourselves here. I am so lost and can’t cope anymore. I feel terrible typing that when I’m not the one with cancer.
My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer 5 weeks ago. He’s had a biopsy and then a PET scan last week as the cancer has spread to his lymph nodes. He was told by the consultant that without treatment he has weeks maybe a few months to live. He can’t have surgery (too big) or radiotherapy, his only option is palliative chemo but he is nowhere near starting this and it hasn’t been confirmed he will have it. I am preparing myself for the worst with his PET results. He is only 60, lives alone but with some family around. I’m currently travelling one week there, one week back at home as I live 2 hours away. It’s so hard to see him tired, thin, in pain & unable to eat. Doing what I can for him then heading back home to my two children but life is completely upside down.
Then this last week, my wonderful best friend who has fought secondary breast cancer for the last couple of years, has now moved in to her final stages. I’m communicating through her husband as she is no longer able to reply to messages. I’m heartbroken. They say you only have a couple of true friends in life and she is one of mine. She has helped me through so many dark times even when she was going through treatment. She was my go to when I had my son and he used to cry all night! I don’t know what I’m going to do without her.
I cant sleep and don’t want to be awake, I don’t want to sit, stand, go outside. I don’t want to talk or not talk. I’m just a complete mess. How can this horrible disease take people away from us? Beautiful people who are talented and still with so much to live for.
I wish there was an off button in my head, a reset button in life. I’m so overwhelmed by the pain that is coming. I just don’t know how to get through
