I’m sorry I don’t know where else to go or who to talk to. My grandad as mestastised cancer now in his liver and is on chemotherapy for it to try “prolong” his life according to doctors. We’ve been told this week has has to have a break from it as he’s getting bad side effects and macmillan nurses are coming instead to make sure he’s comfortable. This is going round and round my mind constantly as him coming to the end I’m trying my best not to be negative but I can’t keep this brave face anymore. My fiancé has his nan also going through tests at the minute for potential lung cancer and is under a cancer specialist. She claims she’d just “top herself” instead of chemo which is just highlighting to me that pain my grandads in and got me really really worried about everything. I don’t want to turn to my family as there all still trying to deal with it and my partner likewise because of his nan and her situation. How do you keep this brave face and keep going yourself? Everything the doctors say I find myself over analysing and thinking over and over for hours on end. I need some sort of advice or help because it’s getting to the point I’m trying to avoid talking about anything ever to do with cancer which is ridiculous. I’m still trying so hard to support my mum she rings me most days and ends up upset or crying similar with my grandma and I don’t know what to do anymore
hi
you sound like me, I'm the worlds' worst at over analysing every tiny thing, you're not a Libran are you ?
anyway welcome to the online community, sorry you've have to come and find us
If '93 is your birth year you'll be the same age as my daughter
How old is your grandad ? My parents were 60 and 61 when they died so I'm not really used to having older relatives around.
What is it that worries you most ?
I had chemo, it's not pleasant but in my case, I was 52, it was to cure my breast cancer, rather than prolong life, so I was able to withstand the six months of discomfort, when it comes to prolonging life, we all start to question at what cost.
Other chemo drugs aren't as severe as the ones I had, the ones used in palliative care, that's to control symptoms rather than cure.
If I make it to my 70s or more incredibly to my 80s I may well take a different view, how long do I expect to live and what is the quality of life I'd like to enjoy ?
My uncle, one that did live to be a ripe old age, died in Rhodes when in his 80s. I like to think he'd gone out for a lovely meal, a stroll along the sea front and perhaps a nightcap, not really nightclubbing but certainly a good night out. He returned to his hotel and simply fell asleep.
A 'good' death. We all have to go sometime. Only downside was he left his wife, my aunt, having to deal with it, also in her 80s, and repatriating a body isn't the simplest thing to achieve but she managed.
Back to the question, what is it that worries you most ?
You can feel free to call the Macmillan helpline, open every day 8 til 8 - 0808 808 0000
They can give you a clearer idea of what the nurse will be doing for your grandad and it might make you feel a little more at ease with the situation.
Finally, I know I don't handle things that well and it's annoying that I see myself in what you've described, my daughter expects me to handle situations better than I do but she tells me to my face.
She's a virgo. They don't beat around the bush or mince their words. She calls me out each and every time.
I'd like to think I'm a mature adult but in actual fact I don't feel any different to when I was 25.
Perhaps you could help your mum deal with it by getting advice from the helpline?
I remember when my dad died, I was 17 and I needed to go to college and if I bumped into my mum in the kitchen we'd end up in tears and I'd not be able to go, so I started to avoid her, my dad wanted me to go to college, it was important to him.
I don't have any good advice, sorry, but you're not alone.
may I offer a pic of a panda ?
make use of the helpline, you have 30 mins !!
Carolyn
xx
real life success stories to remind you that people do survive breast cancer
https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_types/breast-cancer/f/38/t/115457
Dr Peter Harvey
https://www.workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf
