Hi, I am new to the online community and am looking for advice. Short version: mum has lymphoma, bad immune system, step dad doesn't understand germs despite my best efforts and keeps putting her at risk, I can't be there all the time, need help to get him to understand/co-operate.
Long version:My mum has just started chemo for the 4th time (its been a long battle). I feel like the biggest risk to her health is my step dad and he's getting worse. They have been together over 20 years, since I was very young. He is a very caring and generous guy, the issue is he seems to have an inability to understand what's happening with mum, despite several people explaining it to him (and endless literature). He thinks that unless she is either in hospital or vomiting at any given moment that she is fine. He doesn't understand the tiredness, struggle to eat, change in tastes of foods, and many other side effects and seems to think these and many aspects of due diligence (avoiding people with the flu or chickenpox, extra care with food hygeine etc.) are actually mum and me being awkward delibrately. If he doesnt understand, he doesn't co-operate. I have tried to explain this and told him what could happen if she gets an infection (death; we had a close one with a bout of pneumonia last chemo round) but it doesn't sink in and he keeps putting her at risk. When I tell him off, for example, spilling raw meat juice in the kitchen and not cleaning it up properly/ wanting to bring his granddaughter with chicken pox over, he gets angry with me for criticizing him. He has poor food hygiene and doesn't take into account that she needs to rest lots and doesn't listen when she says she's tired and needs to go home and gets annoyed when she doesn't want to eat foods she's gone off since chemo. I am in the final year of my phd and live 3 hours away. I am essentially the main carer as I can't trust him to look after her well enough so am between home and uni every week, it's exhausting, the travel and fighting him, but I can't be there all the time and am worried him being ignorant could cause serious problems. I don't know how to get this through to him, does anyone have experience explaining things to people who don't understand?
