Feeling Bad

Hi 

I am so sorry to hear about your mum. Chemo can be tough and our reactions to the drugs they pump in to us are very variable. It's important that your mum tells her oncologist about the sickness as they can change the dose if the side effects are too awful and they can give her anti sickness drugs too. Does she have a clinical nurse specialist that she can call? They are usually very helpful. 

I sense you feel bad about possibly influencing your mums treatment decision? I don't think you should take too much responsibility on your shoulders. Your mum will have had time to talk to her consultant about whether to go ahead with chemo and will have had the side effects explained to her. Try not to beat yourself up

All the best

Hi Debbiebre,

Maybe the stats for the survival rate can be some consolation here - I agree with Daloni, that feeling really bad on chemo is part of the treatment, but I had a specialist give me hard facts for my Bowel cancer treatment, and without chemo I am at 7.1% 5 years survival, against 31.1% with the chemo - That is over 4 x the chance of making it 5 years for me..

You may have had an influence in the treatment type, and possibly given her way more chance of beating cancer too..

There are also some really good drugs to specifically treat all the side effects, make sure she asks her docs to sort it out, or reduce the dosage next time.. they don't really know how each individual will respond till they have tried it, but normally quick to respond.

Don't beat yourself up about it..

Try not to feel guilty (i'm struggling with it too) you just want her well and not to suffer. 

My mums waiting to see her oncologist about whether to have chemo or not my sibling and I can't understand why she wouldn't want it. She's already had part of her lung removed and the lump that was found to be 100% cancerous.  She says she is in a lot of pain but refusing to take all the drugs to help.  Her reasoning for not wanting chemo is she wants to feel better first before she decided bearing in mind its only been about 6 weeks since her operation and they messed up keyhole and had to go through her back in the end, so recovery would be longer for that type of surgery. 

I feel guilt also as i went to see her consultant with her and when he said ...oh we've found a lump we are going to chop it out and part of her lung, i was overjoyed it would be so quick and they've found it so so so early.  She was a smoker for over 40 years before this op. 

Massive hugs and I get the guilt feeling. 

November last year my dad got diagnosed with terminal cancer, then in January so did mum. Hers is lung cancer and like your mum a smoker. Mum also has copd and other health issues. 

My mum has the mental capacity to make the same decisions your mum is, her decision (as it was not found early, well not told to us it was found 2 years ago) was no further tests and casye of how weak she is she can't have chemo.

My brother and I Sat there and listened to her make the decision of no tests and to not be resuscitated. On one hand I want to say no as she is my mum and I don't want to lose her but on the other hand I get why.

We are a family where quality is better than quantity and that is why mum made the decision. Unfortunately some times the length of time the person will be ill with the chemo v the length of time it gives them not ill isn't worth it. 

Trust me I get your feelings  currently sat by my dad's bedside as he is in his last days due to cancer and all I want is for it to end for him. I know what that means but he won't be in pain or suffering but I feel a horrible person for feeling this way. 

Thank you for sharing, I'm sorry to hear about both of your parents  

I can definitely see both sides now.  I'm waiting it out to see what oncologist says. If indeed mum gets an appointment letter. She says she hasn't yet which I'm not certain that's true .

Massive hugs

H. 

X 

Maybe try and call them direct and find out?

Trust me I get where you are coming from as a child and I hope your mum's has been caught at a time that something can be done. 

Thoughts with you xx