Unsupportive friends

No you're not alone! I think it's because people don't know how to react. After 5 people managed not to see me as I walked past, I I had to tell people what was happening and ask them to be direct and open about it which helped a bit. And yes some people are then fab and others disappear, but that's their problem! Massive hugs, and call the helpline here, thaybare brilliant xxx

Hi Marianne

I noticed you hadn't many replies, if you filled in your profile it would help people to understand a bit better. 

If you tell us a bit more about yourself, and about your Dads condition, I think you will find more people will know what to say to you

Kind regards

Niobe 

Hi Marianne,

I'm so sorry about your dad.

Unfortunately, this is the time when everyone shows their true colours.  I've not heard from people I've been friends with for years who I would have expected to have been there for me but have had more support from those I least expected it from.   I've even had this with members of my own family. You will find out who your true friends are.  Which is maybe not a bad thing.

I have made some dear friends on here and I wouldn't have been able to get through it without them.  Everyone on here gets it and will give you support.  Post on here when you need to.  We are all here for you.

X

Hello Marianne1,

Yes it can be quite surprising, and often shocking. Those who step up, and those who don't! My Mum died from a brain tumour, nearly 11 years ago. Her brother from Australia visited her, but her brother from Suffolk didn't. Also her sister-in-law, who she had been very close to, didn't visit.  It was very hard for us, as family to understand this. At the funeral the sister-in-law was distraught, but to me and the rest of the family it did not make up for the original neglect. ( I totally get that some people cannot handle this).

Hi, i dont really know why im on this website but im here anyway. I am 18 and my dad was diagnosed with a terminal cancer yesterday after an operation last week to remove part of a tumour in his brain. ever since its happened my friends was been very strange around me, ive told them that id like them to just treat my like normal but they look at me with pitying eyes and its really getting on my nerves, i know they dont mean any harm but i dont know what to do. others just think that if they dont ask me about it that thats fine but i just want someone to support me. my sister has all her friends and her boyfriend who are being great and my mum has her friends by mine dont care at all.

i dont know what to do...

Sorry bout that just needed a bit of a rant 

Han

You're not alone at all. My father was diagnosed with AML a couple of weeks ago and I've been encouraged to open up about it to my friends and talk about the situation so that I don't bottle it up. I don't usually like to talk to people about problems that I'm facing however I thought I'd give it a go however after the initial "I'm sorry, please keep me updated, let me know if there's anything I can do" and despite talking every day I have not heard from them since. I also asked myself the same questions of whether I'm expecting too much of them however I feel that if the roles were reversed I would be checking up on them every so often! 

I'm so sorry to hear about your father and I hope that you are also taking care of yourself during this rough journey. 

Jema x

Hi, I am in a very similar situation. My dad has AML and I don't often talk about it because it is an emotional subject, but I still told my closest friends. I even told them it was my father's second relapse in less than a year, and that the doctors don't really know what to do anymore. My friends told me "If you need anything, I'm here for you". But words and actions are very different. Every time I want to go take a coffee with them they make up an excuse. I have found better support amongst members of my family. It is odd that friends do not seem to care that much. It really makes you think. 

You are not alone, this whole community is here for you. XX

Yes, that was really confusing and disappointing for a while. But I figured I can only worry about the people who worry about me. When we're in these situations the last thing we need is stress. And I've heard from so many people that people drop out of the picture all the time, the people who stay and are supportive are the ones you never thought would. But I just take it all and appreciate every bit of it. Hang in there and at least you know you can come here and get support!

Hi that was one of the reasons why I joined this site.  I was talking to someone who I thought was a best friend and she just cut off the conversation when I was telling her about my Mum's possible cancer spread. It's like the subject brings up so much pain for them they don't want to even been in the same room with it. :-) 

I've been going through my cancer and treatments for just over 2 years now and can't tell you how many people have dropped out of the picture. And something that I didn't realize for a long time is that some people just can't handle cancer. Wether it's because they've lost somebody to it and it hurts too much or they are scared or don't know how to be there. Whatever the reason some people just can't be there for you and that's ok. Not everybody is meant to be on the journey with you. This is a great place to get support though!