Having a bad day

meant to say Sister!!

Dear Maisiemae

Half my post got lost. I was meaning to say that you are very special and very brave indeed to be able to go back and listen to your mum's messages. I don't think I am that brave anything send me over the edge, hence the hiding in the toilets the tears are always here. That is why I don't know why my sister opend the FB account. I don't want to come across as mean but it will be heartbreaking all this social media and technology and when someone is gone what to do with the electronic stamp they have left behind.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that I want my mum with me forever not a FB page.

All my love and big hugs

Alex

xx

Alex -well my mum told me when we knew she was terminal that everybody copes with grief in different ways and just let them get on with their own way, my sister and I are not the best of pals (understatement) and she did things which I never understood, still don't, she wanted NOTHING of mums. that was her way.  Hello.  Anyway maybe your sister does want my equivalent of voice msgs from mum and maybe for her it is FB.  Let her do what helps her but make sure YOU DO WHAT HELPS YOU. Blimey we have spent hours in loos crying and thats totally understandable plus your mum not being within your reach.  Cry as much as you need to, and book that time to go and be with her.  The stories are always tragic, so much talent, so much to give to the World still, mum had faith (frankly I would shoot god given half the chance, but Im not going to shoot anyone so seems a daft statement), she knew I wasn't best pleased with her god but I found solace in churches and feel closer to her.  Im so sorry to hear your mum is in pain, not sure what country she is in but i hope you can help fight to get her pain under control, there is no need for too much pain,  Please also see if you can get some support for you, no idea how long this road is but its a rocky one but has plateaus too. I think, with hindsight, its natural to want to blame someone, something, but it doesn't change the situation, white and fizzy has got be through a few nights, and certainly I devoured the pain in my heart by overeating for months.  There is no real right nor wrong, can you get to mum soon and make sure you have some reasonable. communications with your sister so mum doesn't get distracted by you two.  Take a deep breath, make a cup of tea, write to your HR and tell them you are struggling, most good work places will take some pressure off whatever it is you do.  Most of all, look after yourself, can't have mum worrying about you. She sounds very lovely xx

My Dear Maisiemae,

You are so right and I would want to keep all of my mums things clothes, photos, you name it I want it. You are right mum is a lovely person. Very strong indeed, she nursed her brother who at the age of 50 had a stroke and was left paralysed and in bed for 5 years. My uncle's wife has passed so young from a heart attack aged 33 so he was left alone with only my then young cousin. My mum cared for him drove to him avery day without fail 1hours drive each way.

Then dad got sick with prostate cancer, he had a mild stroke that brought on his dementia and in the end dad passed from his heart condition atrial fibrilation. Mum looked after my dad for another 5years. So all in all she has spent a decade of her life caring for my uncle and my dad. Now less than 3 years after dad passed we get this. There is no respite.

Mum is also very glass half empty person. She has always been afraid of cancer.

My manager at work is aware of the situation and he said that to him family comes first. So I hope when I go to my GP to get the time off (I cannot afford to take unpaid leave and it is only a month that is allowed.) he will understand. I don't know how much time I have. I was with my mum at the end of September for two weeks we went together to get her last 2 MRI scans. That was my holiday left for the year bar 3 working days.

So sorry I am going on and on.

All my love and hugs

Alex

xx

Dear Maisiemae

I forgot to mention mum is in Athens.

All my love and hugs

Alex

xx

We have been the BEST kind of family for each other. I know that without your love and support I'd have sink without trace. 

I love you all 

Sue xx

Dear Sue

You are all in my thoughts each and everyone of you and I wish for all calm and better days ahead. sweet online angels.

All my love and hugs.

Alex

xx

Hi Alex. Your Mum sounds a strong lady to have cared so much for others.

You're not going on ...you have to vent somehow and here is a good place.  I'm sure you'll be signed off OK.  We know a but about palliative care and hospice care in the UK.  Does your Mum have a care plan in Athens?

I remember this time with Mum feeling surreal. .try to breathe.  It's an impossible thing to grasp really that you are losing a loved one. It's still often unreal for me.

Much love.

Jx

Dear Jenny

 How are you, how is your dad and sister? 

Mum always has had a sense of duty. She would care for all the family members if that is what was needed.

 I believe any treatment or care package will be decided as soon as the biopsy results come out she is going for her biopsy this Wednesday. We've had to wait 3 weeks for this appointment and she has been in pain for the last 7 almost 8 months she is very patient. We don't have Macmillan or Marie Curie nurses. Even in public hospitals if you want decent care for your loved one you hire a private nurse.

We are very fortunate to have a very sweet lady who cared for my dad the last two weeks of his life. She has become a friend of mum's  since dad passed.  So now she goes in twice a day to check on my mum. She even drives mum's  car these days until hers is fixed. Until recently they went to Tupperware presentations together had tea and cake. My mum's collection of Tupperware is worthy of book of Guinness record. 

At least she is making sure she eats something does her shopping etc. When I was there a few weeks ago it was challenging to get her to eat something.  I even got her Fortnum and Mason shortbread biscuits which she loved.  But this awful disease had changed her taste so much she can't eat anything sweet.

All my love and hugs

Alex

xx

Oh libertys/Alex, my heart goes out to you.  I hope that you can be with your mum soon.  I'm glad that your manager is understanding.  That helps so much.  Please post on here when you need to. We all understand.

X