Difficult parent

CJKern 26 days ago

2 replies
17 subscribers
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Hi!

I’m hoping that by sharing this I can get some advice but also connect with others who might be in a similar position. My mum was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer around 2years ago. Her most recent CT showed the cancer had spread (again), though she didn’t want to know where, and she’s been undergoing outpatient intravenous chemo for the last couple of months.

She managed quite well until a recent bout of pain which prompted her to contact the cancer centre. They advised her to go straight to A&E to get it checked out (and told her it could possibly be a tumour pressing on her spine) after much cajoling I convinced her to go (with my dad) where she waited for over 2 hours but then left without being seen. She’s now refusing to go get checked out and has postponed her chemo these last two weeks. She figures there’s no point as there’s nothing they can do and complains about her arm being heavy from the lymphoedema, but again there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

She’s constantly negative and putting barriers to stop her getting any type of treatment and lashes out if anyone asks. She’s pushed a lot of people away at this point with her behaviour so she doesn’t have many friends left. I don’t know what else to do at this point, and be able to help my dad as I know he has it the hardest.

Thanks for reading!

GRANNY59 25 days ago

Hi CJKern welcome to the forum though that sounds like a very challenging situation for you all. It sounds like she has decided she doesn't want anymore treatment. That's a hard one if that's what she is doing as her family want to have her with them for as long as they ca n. Have you tried to talk with your Mum, one to one and calmly ask how she is feeling and what are her thoughts about refusing treatment? She sounds like she is scared and frightened and that's the kind of thing people who feel like that do is to push you away. If you felt that you would like to chat with someone then please do give the Macmillan Line a call as they are great listeners. 08088080000. Do you think she is depressed or not? Gail x

CJKern 24 days ago in reply to GRANNY59

Thanks! Yeah I had a chat with her but she gets quickly agitated if probed on her reasoning. I did ask if she was wanting to finish treatment but she denied that too. I think it’s likely that she’s scared and depressed. She’s suffered from anxiety for several years but again has never admitted this. I’ve popped into the local Macmillan centre and the lady there was very helpful and kind. I guess sharing the problem is half the battle.

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