Having a bad day

And yet more crap has been added to the pile... My aunt died at the weekend.  It wasn't entirely unexpected but still very sad.  She was my mum's sister law (mum's brother's wife).  She was the last from mum's family.  I now have no aunts and uncles left from that side of the family.  

My dog is also getting worse and I think it may soon be time to take her to the vets.

Shit, shit, shitty, shit, shit!!!!

Oh E. Such sadness. Surely soon there has to be some light from the shade. You have had a shitty time. Hope GS makes some things better x

Dear Elenium

I  am so sorry you lost your aunt. It doesn't matter if expected or not a loss is heavy and difficult. I am sending you a big hug.

The sadness is the worst thing it goes hand in with fear. 

That feeling when you wake up and for two seconds you feel like before. And then the darkness comes to settle in. 

Hello Alex,

So sorry about your mum. 

As Maisiemai says everyone deals with this nightmare situation differently so your sister is coping in her own way,try and understand this if you can and support one another if you can, not sure of how your relationship stands with her  and  I can only begin to imagine the added distress of being so far away from your mum not to mention different health care systems to contend with as well.

All I would say is go with and trust your instincts, your mum is strong and you will find strength, spend as much time with her as you can. Skype? Would she be able to manage that do you think?

The loos are everyone’s refuge also I used to find my car journey to work a time for tears.

Take care of yourself

Thinking of you all.

Big hug x

Hello Lesley

Thank you so much for your kind words. All your replies mean a lot to me at these dark times. I must say the FB account is open for a couple of years now she didn't just open it. To be honest I don't think it was my sister, she doesn't have an account herself, it was probably my BIL. It's just that  I  have a couple of old colleagues from my old job who have passed on and I get still get birthday notifications. I find this cruel.  

My sister and I have a good relationship we never fight. We don't have anything to argue about.  She is 8 years older so I am always treated as the baby in the family.  We are very different but we get along very well. My poor sister  has also been diagnosed with atrial fibrillation.  She always had trouble sleeping now she is on sleeping tablets with all this.

This all too much and I am struggling.  I  really don't know what to do with myself.

sadly we cant stop the process of fear and grief but trusting we did our very best i believe helps the healing later...  I rerun scenarios over and over in my head, i wasnt perfect, i was exhausted and fearful, whereas sheer hard work has normally got me where I wanted to be - however hard i tried it couldnt save mum. On reflection, mum saw how hard i fought for her so even though there were imperfections in the delivery nobody can ever take away from me my bond with mum. 

No appointment with the GP before the 6th of November, I have booked it on the online access. I am thinking I should call them to see if there is anything earlier.

My sister said keep the appointment for the 6th. Mum is not able to keep any food down since Sunday.

Slowly I feel I am falling apart.

Oh Elenium, not more sadness for you. We’ve all had a horrendous 12 months but you are bearing more.

Ducks to it I say.

So sorry ,hang in there with your sister and your family.

Xx 

Elenium,

Oh Duck Duck and once again Duck!! 

I'm  so so sad to read about your Aunt. With her now gone it must feel like a whole generation is missing on your Mum's side. I have one auntie left on each side. 

When or If will we ever be free?! My half sister, my lovely nephew's Mum  is in hospital having aggressive chemo for 6 weeks as she has leukaemia! Darren has moved back home to be with his Dad while she's in. More rounds to follow if this one doesn't work. She's only 66.  She's beaten breast cancer twice. Even though we're not in contact it doesn't change the fact we had the same Dad. I still worry about her. 

Take care My Lovelies 

Sue xx

Oh Sue, That's awful about your half sister. I hope that the chemo works.

We've had more crap to add to the pile.  My husband's not been well for a while but the doctors have just told him it's nothing.  He went back again and saw a locum, who sent him for a blood test that covered a wide range of things.  Turns out he's got an iron deficiency so they are now sending him for tests to find out why.  He's got to have camera's and x rays.  Worried it might be a tumour.  He's also got a B12 deficiency and is having injections every other day.  Jenny said that sounds like pernicious anemia.  I looked it up and all the symptoms he's got match that but the doctor didn't say anything about it and husband seems to think that they are two completely seperate things.  I just don't know what to think.  Completely had enough now.