Having a bad day

Hello,

How are you doing?

Thinking of you.

Xx

Hi,

Saw the counsellor for my initial assessment on Monday. She was very nice and I was in there for about an hour and a half. After I'd poured my heart out and had a cry I felt better for it. She told me (I can't remember her exact words) that she thinks I must be very strong to have coped as well as I have. I told her I take after my mum. Anyway she's hoping that I will get an appointment soon.

I'm actually feeling a bit better about things. Not looking forward to uncle's funeral next week though. Just want it to be over. Got next week off. GS is coming down for a few days. Am looking forward to that.

Hugs to all.

X

Hello Elenium,

That’s good to hear that the initial session has already lifted you a tad.

You are strong, we are all strong but we do have some down days.

We are burying M IL s ashes today with her husband (my father in law) something that I thought would be relatively simple to organise but has turned in to quite a bureaucratic process with transfer of name of burial plot to me as a starter... 

I will,literally be glad when MIL is laid to rest as she has been on her own for too long.

Love to all

Xxx

Dear All - soon on 30 October it will be a year since Elenium did her post. Elenium - thankyou from the bottom of my heart for being you, for posting that post - also to you lovelies with whom ive shared my utter heartbreak, my love for you all will be with me forever. You held my hand when I was broken, you listened when i couldnt speak, you were with me at some poignant times, Silent Night, for those who remember mums Carol Service outside her house. Thankyou. Thankyou. thankyou

I can't believe it's nearly been a year! I'm so glad that I decided to post that day because I now have you, my wonderful virtual family.  I would never have got through it all without you.  I am thankful for you all every day.  

A big hug to all of you.

X

It’s been literally a lifeline, so a heartfelt  thank  you Elenium and aheartfelt thankyou to you all. 

Xx

Lesley

Yes thank you , at a time of total desperation I found this site and then Eleniums post and realised I was not alone, I can’t put into words what that has come to mean.....a very special group of people whom I have never met but feel a bond with that hopefully will last for many years to come . Thank you 

My dears

I started reading your thread on Thursday from page 1 and have reached this page today. You have all suffered so much from this horrible disease so unfair that it touches the loveliest people the most kind and helpful.  I am having a bad day and I was having a bad day last Thursday. I  think my bad day will turn into a bad week. This Wednesday my lovely mum goes for biopsy. She has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer spread to liver. My mum is not here with me in the UK and this torments me even more. The phone is not enough. Two specialists have seen her MRI results there is no hope. Timelines are irrelevant.  I want to see my GP  and get signed off so I can go and be with her. It's only my sister and I our dad passed December 21st 2014. I  hate it she is alone and she will refuse to go to my sister she doesn't like it there.

It is all too much at the moment.  Mum is only 71.

You are all in my heart and I can't  stop thinking about the terrible times you have been through. But you are kind and strong and loved your mum's, dad, wife and husbands/partners so much and that is why you are all here because you care and love. 

Send you all love and virtual hugs

Alex.

libertys - alex, hello my dear lady, i do so hope that some of our stories will help you (if only it was just a story book!), there is no escaping the trauma our loved ones and we went through, but there was love throughout for our special people.  I do hope you get to your mums side very soon and please please just hold her hand, tell her everything, let her tell you everything, they will be memories to cherish for the rest of your life.  Ive got mums voice recorded and in my dark times, which I do still get, to hear her voice is magical to me, thank goodness for missed mobile phone messages, mainly, hello my darling, how are you today, even her singing happy birthday to me - cherished forever. There is no easy way to do what is ahead of you, but with honesty and openness and letting your mum be a woman and not your mum, so she can share her fears, hopes, and dreams it will be precious however hard.  There is NO WAY I could have imagined what it would be like to nurse mummy to the last hours of her life, but I would do it a million times more if anything I did, in any way soothed her fears. Looking back I think I was slightly hysterical but at the time it was a frantic search to learn, to learn in time. Warm hugs from me, and I just know that you mum will feel so much better with you close by her side.  We post less often, some of us are friends 'outside of the support room now' but we still have a bond. I could not have done it. I do hope we can be of some support in the days ahead.  much love MM x

why did my sitter open an FB account for mum? Mum doesn't even know how to use it properly.

Mum has lost a lot of weight since all started back in April. She has a lot of pain and even now the painkillers are not doing that much to keep her really comfortable. She has been enduring pain for almost 8 months now. She is stoically waiting for the biopsy on Wednesday. I have read a lot about PC and it is just terrible because it is always too late when they find it.

My mum is also very good with her hands, a few years back when dad was still with us started going to jewelry classes working with silver and semi precious stones. She made me some lovely necklaces bracelets brooches. She also belongs in a knitting group with some other lovely ladies and I have a collection of scarves and jumpers. She stopped going as she thought the pain on her back was caused be the knitting. How sad is that.

I am hiding in the toilets at work a lot.

I can't eat very well and until recently I was very careful what I ate. Mum and dad always insisted we don't buy ready made meals, fried food, eat your fruit and veggies, don't eat out too much make everything from scratch. I am past caring.

All my love to all of you and big hugs.

Alex

xx