Having a bad day

Lovely, xxxx

Elenium it sounds as wonderful as these sad occasions can be 

Thank you to all for the kindness to me and my boys today we had prosecco in a local Italian restaurant all of us dressed in red . Perfect x

Yantibee glad you had a good day, with your boys, on Jill's birthday. :-)

X

What lovely people we have on here, so glad that the funerals for your lovely Mums went as well as you could have hoped.

Take care, Anneteresa

Suffering the aftermath a bit now.  Dad can't be alone for a few minutes. .wants to know where we are all the time and hardly sleeps.

He said today he wishes he'd died first. He says he wants to stop dialysis.  The team at hospital offered for him to see the renal psychologist but he said no. 

I listened to him. Tried to reassure him. Told him that none of us should make decisions now as we are in the depths of grief. 

He said he can't get the bad images of Mum out of his head.

It's hard to help him...we try...

...this now is the selfish bit. ..I need to grieve too...I'm going to my flat tomorrow to stay over the weekend. .so I get some space at least.  It's all been a blur recently and I've been in demand for all admin organisation, online forms, arrangements ..relatives...and too busy to breathe.  I'm also aware I've seen more traumatic events than my sister and Dad as was with Mum more often...

My sister will stay with Dad.  My boyfriend will visit with me on Saturday so I have 2 nights alone.

Dad may struggle and I may have to collect Mum's ashes and take them to him. But I will sleep at mine.

Not been there for a long time.

Hope you're all managing.

Much love.

Jx

It's not selfish Jenny , like you I saw all the bad bits, more than anyone else and like you are feeling now after the funeral I needed space to breathe on my own to try and absorb what had happened. The arrangements the visitors the legal stuff the paperwork it all had to be done but there is a you !! A very hurt upset grieving you and you need to rest and breathe xx 

Thanks Yantibee.  Feeling pulled by Dad's plight but I need this.  He does say to us you're grieving too when in Dad mode.

Told him I'm only 25 min away.

Yantibee what we and many others on here have witnessed is traumatic.  My mind keeps recalling images of the awfulness.   It feels something like trying to make sense of everything. Maybe some space will help. The process is interrupted by others  (genuine) needs otherwise. 

Taking Dad in to dialysis. ..picking him up at 4 then back to mine.

How are you doing?

Maisiemae, Elenium, Sue and everyone else?

Jx

Dear Jenny 

So not selfish at all. You need time as well to grieve.

My MIL is going through everything that your dad is. There is a limit to what we can say and do, She won't accept counselling says she can only talk to me. Everything is about her now, her own world and she forgets I am grieving as well.

You need the time, to soak in the bath for hours if you want... to sleep as long as you need ....relax. So do it, your dad is well looked after and loved.

Xx deep breath everyone, on with the day 

Love Lesley xxx

Thanks Lesley.

Hug.

Jx

I'm sitting at home, kids have gone to work/school, husband has gone to work.  Life is going on for everyone. Mum lived at the top of my road and I want to walk up there with the dogs and say 'Hi mum, thought I'd pop in on our walk.  What shall we do later?' but I can't.  I know she's gone but I still want to talk to her, see her, hug her.  She always made me feel better just be being there.  I'm glad that she's not in pain anymore but I just miss her.  I know that you all know exactly how that feels. 

We took the flowers to my dad's grave yesterday.  There were so many, mum would have loved them.  They were beautiful.  I took loads of photos.  I've got the rest of the daffodils on the side table with my mum's order of service.  I can see her happy smiling face looking at me.

Jenny I completly understand.  I have been constantly surrounded by people/demands for weeks and now I need to stop and grieve, by myself.  So I am having a whole day alone.  I may just sit and stare into space or I might work in the garden.  I' not sure what I'm going to do but I am going to do it on my own. Do what you need to do Jenny.  When you need it know that I'm holding your hand and thinking of you.

I hope that eveyone else is ok and am sending you all hugs.

X