I was diagnosed with breast cancer in May this year. I've been having neo--adjuvant chemotherapy since June. I have one round of chemo left. I'm struggling emotionally. I'm on EC and have been since the beginning of September. I knew it was going to be difficult but nobody could have prepared me for how bad it would be. I've had more bad days than good and after the last round i was hospitalised. Everything just went a bit squiffy! I'm so close to the end but honestly, at times I've wanted to give up. I know I wont, and I know I'm nearly there but the nausea and the fatigue, I just can't get away from it. Its all consuming which is when I feel like giving up. I've cried so much just recently, my anxiety has gone up, mostly because I've actually become scared of the treatment and what it will do to me. I'm so angry that I've got so far into my treatment, I'm so close to the end and it all seems to be going wrong. I do talk to friends and family but its difficult for them to understand. They tell me I'm strong and I've got this but I really don't feel like I have, I don't feel strong, I feel weak and vulnerable and I hate it. On top of that, I'm worried about my son. He's 15 and I've been honest from the start with him. We talk often and he seems to be handling it ok although this last couple of weeks have been tough on him too. He went to hid dad's just before I was admitted to hospital for respite because it was difficult seeing me so poorly. Despite the fact that there's nothing I can do about any of it, there is still mum guilt.
I don't expect anyone to reply. I think I just needed to tell someone who understands. Actually writing it out has helped.
