Lonely - miss having a close friend/companion

That's a real shame you couldn't go in.   It's can be very hard to go on your own that first time.  What help you to get through the door.  Could the nurse go with you for your first visit or arrange for someone to meet you outside the front and go in with you.  I hope that what support you need to do it happens

Cathie x

Aah, bless you Cathie. That's a lovely suggestion but I've had social anxiety for many, many years and I've learned that  sometimes, if I pressurise myself into doing something, it just makes things worse and counteracts any possible benefits. Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-social or miserable in any way - I just like to be in my comfort zone. Its easier. I do get the odd burst of confidence though so, who knows, I might turn up on their doorstep one day.

Although it's not for me (just now anyhow) I posted the suggestion in case it was of some help to others on this thread. What about you? Are you close to a Maggies or something similar? I hope so.

Sheila x

Hi Sheila

I completely get what you’re saying here…I was offered some help after my stroke, and one of the things was to join up to the scheme locally where volunteer drivers pick up people in my situation and take them to “things”- like to a group meeting for coffee and a chat. 

The forms were sent to me and I couldn’t even fill them in. The thought of a stranger coming to the house, trying to help me and a wheelchair into a vehicle, and then going into somewhere I hadn’t been to before, where I wouldn’t know anyone just induced such crippling anxiety I knew I couldn’t do it.

So I know I don’t help myself, but my house is my “safe zone”. I am on different medication now to help my anxiety, which it does to an extent, but I still can’t pluck up the courage to sign up and do this. Like you, any benefits would be outweighed for me by a huge increase in stress and anxiety. It’s really hard for others to understand who haven’t been through this.

Sarah xx

I have been to a couple of things my local Macmillan group organise and to be fair I do find them very helpful as the others there do understand.

Just try and be kind to yourself. 

I do understand about people not being able to cope with our situation (hell I find it hard) but it certainly weeds out the "fine weather friends".

In a way it reminds me of when my husband passed away 12 years ago some people would cross the road rather than speak to me.

I really hope that the councillor can help bit I have had so much support and reassurance from the people on this site, so never be afraid to air your feelings, there is no judgement here.

Take care of yourself

JD

Hi folks

I'm sorry to read that some of you are finding it hard to leave your safe spaces and venture out....for lots of different reasons.

A few months ago, I realised I was getting very little social contact, and my friends were living hundreds of miles away!

So I contacted a local befriending organisation, who offer telephone befriending, and face to face meet ups if people want it. It has been a life-changer for me!

I quickly realised that as well as receiving friendship from 2 lovely people, that I could offer to befriend others. So, after training I now phone 2 people who are housebound, for different reasons, and also visit people who get no other visitors, in local care homes. This has been really positive....I get as much from volunteering as the people I befriend, so it's a win-win. I reckon I'll be able to carry on doing this even when (not if) I too become unable to get out because of my cancer.

Recently, I began volunteering in our local drop-in cafe/warm space, and we are also running a memory cafe once a month.

Cancer does not feature in these volunteering roles, so it is my chance to do something other than focussing on cancer or medical stuff, and to be myself.

Macmillan run a phone buddy service, so it could be worth giving this a go, either as a volunteer buddy, or by requesting a phone buddy. There are many other charity organisations out there who offer befriending, and you don't have to leave your own home to access it!

Hope everyone is doing Ok since your posts.

xxxx Kate

Thank you. I found your post really helpful and encouraging.

Hi Sheila

Thanks for your message.   I haven't been in your situation.  But can only imagine how difficult that is.  

The nearest Maggie's is an hour and half away, so not viable for me.   There is a Macmillan's coffee morning at the local hospital.  I've just found out about an organisation in a local area to me that does various social stuff for people with cancer or those caring for them.   So I'm going to have a look at that.   I do need to be social.   But have to watch my energy levels.  My palliative chemo is two weeks on and one week off.  So sometimes it very tiring.

Cathie x

Hi Kate

Thankyou for your message.   I feel at a loss with what to do as working isn't an option to but doing some sort of voluntary work would be great.  So your message has opened up some doors.  

Cathie x

Hi Cathie

That sounds like a good compromise for you. A bit more local and you can dip in, or out, as you feel able. I hope that you can give it a try and that it proves successful. I admire your courage and positivity, and I see from here that you may try volunteering too which is amazing. 

Wishing you all the very best both healthwise and socially. 

Take care.

Sheila x

Hi Sarah

It's nice to know that someone else "gets it". And I know exactly how you feel when it comes to strangers and feeling as though you're the centre of what seems like unwanted attention. I've learned to live with it and, to a certain extent, control it. I make a lot of effort to make sure that it doesn't affect those around me - e.g I fly, go on holiday, out for meals etc so that others aren't left disappointed but if it's something just for me then I shy away. It is draining sometimes. However, I'm used to it and very rarely feel sorry for myself. More likely to be annoyed with myself because of it!

So, I understand exactly and I think that all we can realistically do is take each day as it comes and plod on regardless. Always hoping for small wins along the way

Sheila x