I am now NED. I was diagnosed exactly a year ago with uterine cancer stage 3.
My husband and I were due to marry a month later.
So we were married and it was wonderful and then it all began.
Full open hysterectomy and lymph nodes removed. 12 days in hospital.
10 weeks recovery with multiple infections. Chemo started on 30/12, infections and hospital admissions. Then in April 25 sessions of pelvic radiotherapy and 2 sessions of bracytherapy.
I finished treatment on May 8th. Then found out I have Lynch syndrome.
Other than losing most of my hair ( I cold capped) I looked well.
I was ecstatic when the treatment ended. But now… wow it is so hard. I cry several times a day. I hate how I look. Still growing out my hair ( it was very long and thick).
I feel so unsure of everything. I cannot yet work full time ( and to be honest I don’t really want to). However, I am the main earner and our finances have been wrecked by this. Work is very demanding ( secondary teacher) and have had a brief phased return- 4 weeks. It all feels like too much to deal with.
I feel as if I should be happy all the time as I’ve survived the disease and horrid treatment, but I am not. Everything is such an effort. I went to the Hope Course which was helpful but now that’s over, I feel quite lost. I know that starting with the menopause will be bringing some of these issues ( I can’t have her either), but just want to feel strong, confident and capable again. Will I ever feel like my old self? I feel like she has gone forever, and I don’t really like this new sad, damaged, scared person I have become.
I saw my Gp who told me that I need to be more optimistic! And prescribed anti depressants.
Thinking of therapy- Have any of you had therapy through MacMillan? Did it help you?
That's great news that you're NED but I'm sorry to read that you're struggling emotionally. I can see that you've joined the life after cancer group and it might be an idea to also post there as you'll then connect directly with others who have finished their treatment and might be feeling as you do.
((hugs))
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
I am so glad about the NED prognosis for you and I am so sorry you are feeling the pressure, especially as a teacher. I retired 2 years ago and the relief is still palpable.
The trouble is with plenty of advice is it can be just as exhausting searching and looking for the right help for you as the problems themselves! 
I have benefitted so much from 3 things:
1) long-term support network- friends and family that energise and support, step in when they need to and back off when you need them to.
2) the power of the present moment - it’s all we really have. Am I hungry, eat.
Am I fatigued, rest.
Am I thirsty, drink.
Am I unhappy, observe and rest with those feelings, challenge them with the facts: you are NED, your hair is growing back, you are making a contribution even though you are still in recovery from life-changing illness. You can.
Your mind is constantly nagging at you, let it; again observe that little whirring machine constantly throwing out its ideas, habits, circular thoughts and watch them drift by knowing they are just that, habitual, circular, not the real you.
3) ask for help. We are human, social beings; as a teacher you recognise the benefits of helping others. By asking for help you are not imposing, you are offering someone the opportunity to be their best and they will receive so much from helping you.
sorry if I’ve added to your ‘helpful advice’ but if nothing else, thank you for reminding me of what’s important now.
