Why am I still a mess emotionally?

Hello Squashable

How you are feeling now is very much how I felt when treatment finished. Very up and down some days, some days I just felt sort of flat. Personally I felt that during the diagnosis and treatment, things move so fast and we focus on the day to day, the next appointment etc and just trying to get through it. Once that stops, I felt the reflection and processing happens- there is literally time to think. 

Some people find some counselling can help and it can be done through Bupa/Macmillan. If you give the Support Line a call they can help you. Some people find a Life After Cancer course helpful. 

For me it's been a gradual process and it all takes time. I wrote this blog a while back and it sort of explains better how I was feeling and may help you to understand some of your feelings a bit better. 

(+) Life One Year Later- Jane’s story - Macmillan Online Community

It might also be worth contacting your CNS/GP to explain how you are feeling and to have a bit of a check up. There maybe some support locally to you. You have been through an awful lot over the last few months. Chemo and radiotherapy is not easy and it took me a good year to feel more myself and for things to feel a bit more settled. And I still have off days. 

Hope this helps. If there is anything else you need, please do ask. But I do recommend giving the Support Line a call and chatting things through. I've used the Online Chat as well and that was really helpful. I spoke to a nurse who was really understanding.

Jane

hello Jane

thank you so much for your kind words and advice. I will certainly have a look at the avenues you have mentioned. I feel a little better the last few days, looking back i can see i did feel very flat, i just wanted to stare into space and not have to deal with anything or anyone, but had to put on a normal front for family etc. I did call my CNS last week as I had a sudden sore spot in my bottom when passing a bowel movement, but this seems to have been a one off thankfully (now drinking more water!!). The CNS is going to call me back so i will mention the anxiety and low mood and see what she suggests.

thank you so much

Susie C

I feel you completely. Iv been cleared of my cancer 7months now, but for some reason my emotions are constantly a boil. im constantly on the edge, i feel like im in flight mode, highly stressed, depressed, self isolating and just an absolute miserable person. I cant handle stress like i used to, i feel like iv changed completely how i used to be. Quite frankly death gives me some relief that i wont have to exist in this world any more. I sometime have to let a shout out because how bad i feel, a lot of anxiety, i feel overloaded with emotions, but no way to express them or get rid of them. I feel like a robot. I never see my friends anymore because of the way i am now. I feel like i need to find an island somewhere and rest until im normal again.

Hi Jack

Thank you so much for your post. 

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in Feb last year and have only just finished treatment. 

I certainly feel like the end of treatment is not 'the end'. There are so many emotions!  I feel like I am only now just fully feeling the effects of all that I've been through. I don't feel certain of anything anymore. 

I had a therapist before my diagnosis and have continued throughout.  It has been life-changing.

You don't need to suffer alone.  Please speak to MacMillan or your GP about how you're feeling. Help is available. 

I wish you a peaceful day ahead.

All the hugs, Shaka